I would like to take this opportunity to complain about work before I am no longer qualified to do so 😉 . To begin: I fully acknowledge that this post makes me sound like an emotionless automaton…and I’m fine with that 🙂 . When I reflect on why I couldn’t stand the thought 5 years ago of working in Corporate America for another 40 years, the inherent fake-ness of the workplace is near the top of the list. It’s inefficient, annoying and a waste of everyone’s time.
As I’ve inched closer to financial independence, I’ve been able to better parse out the motivations behind this behavior, but I’ve also become less and less willing to put up with it 😉 . So let’s get into a thought experiment of what would happen if everyone was a financially independent asshole like me who values efficiency above all else 🙂 .
Less Small Talk
It’s entirely possible that I’m an out of touch robot, but I would imagine, if people stopped putting on a mask at work, we would save a lot of time and energy by not trying to pretend we care about: your weekend, the weather, your upcoming vacation etc. I do work in client service and I understand that having these interactions ‘builds a relationship’, but I also like to believe that people are smart enough to see right through it. It’s hollow, fake bonding.
Clear Motivations
One of the things that frustrates me most about Corporate America, is how most of the work (in my field at least) is deconstructing other people. It’s figuring out their real motivations and then manipulating them to focus on something that actually moves the project, account or whatever, forward.
If people stopped being fake and stopped saying that “we need to do this for the team” or “this is to build rapport with the client” and just come out and say “I put in my performance review that I would make my team do X hours of this workshop and if I don’t, I don’t get my bonus” or “I think this client could get me an executive level position down the line if you bend over backwards for him so just do whatever he says.” The battlefield would be a lot clearer. We would all know each of our individual goals and be able to find a solution that gets the most people what they want (…or maybe we’d tell this hypothetical boss to stop being ridiculous and just enjoy their $100,000 bonus from last year…)
I totally understand why people don’t come out and say these things – we have to pretend that we’re not here for the money or for ourselves to keep up the work charade, but that just adds another layer of annoying complexity to every workplace interaction. They’re not only fake, they’re steeped in half truths and sometimes whole lies (like dangling promotions…)
More Efficiency
I imagine that knowing everyone’s motivations would not only lead to more solutions that actually meet everyone’s criteria, but everyone would also know why certain decisions were made instead of being handed orders from on high without explanation.
I also believe that being honest at work would save time in other ways, such as if employees could be honest about their actual goals (Q: “Where do I want to be in 5 years? A: “Laying facedown on a beach while my investments make money for me”) and bosses could plan accordingly. Instead, I have to keep up the charade that I want to work in marketing until I die.
Another example of this popped up at my first job. I was planning to quit, but of course told no one because if ad agencies get wind of that, you’ll be out on your ass with less than 10 minutes notice. Then I met with my interim boss and she mentioned that she had been having meetings with the SVP to get me promoted.
I was going to wait until that following Monday to quit when my actual boss was back, but at the thought of her wasting all that time, I just came right out and said “I wish you had told me that you were doing that because while I really do appreciate it – I’m quitting.” I think being honest would save everyone a lot of time in external and internal initiatives.
Conclusion
So that’s what would happen in my ideal work world where everyone was financially independent and didn’t let the fear of losing a job stop them from saying what they really mean. In this world of Spock-like efficiency, I can see so much more work actually getting done and employees being happier about it since they know the reasons behind decisions.
But sadly, I know this thought experiment will never come to pass. Until I can escape the rat race next week(!!!), I will continue to ask “How’s the weather over there?”
How do you deal with fakeness at work?
Always telling it like it is! I feel this, Purple. Soooo much forced small talk at work in my time. Having to fake enjoying a 40hr/week office environment at my last job nearly did me in. Freelance from home now, FTW!
Haha I do my best. And ugh that sounds rough. So proud of you for finding another path!
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves ever. And though there are lots of other reasons why I never climbed the corporate ladder, perhaps the biggest was I could not stand all this fakeness. And when people start an interaction with the obligatory “How are you?” it’s maddening because they don’t care about me, and I don’t care about them! At least not in a sugary superficial way. I care about them as humans on this planet, in this life, but interacting in an inauthentic way doesn’t show that nor strengthen it.
Yeah swallowing and even perpetuating the fakeness seems to be a requirement for climbing that ladder – I can’t do it either. And YES the “How are you” annoys me so much because I know if I say anything but “Great!” even in this wild year people would be like “YIKES!” And I get it – you can care about someone as a fellow human being without wanting to hear about their weekend 😉 .
Good one. One thing I’ve always done throughout my career was take my full lunch hour, almost every day. I’ve even told interviewers that I’d be doing that. I’d say…”I need to clear my head” and I do, but it always confounds me when I see people working through their lunch, or eating at their desk. THERE IS NOTHING…NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT IS GOING TO GET DONE ANY QUICKER or MORE EFFICIENTLY by doing that. At least not of significance. So I agree… take your lunch and stop talking about the weather!
Thanks! And that’s awesome you’ve done that and brought it up in interviews.
Ha ha! I suspect complete honesty from one’s colleagues would turn the workplace into a freakshow! Certainly in my workplace, where management are, shall we say, less than competent and extremely manipulative (primarily I think because of politics in both the chain of command and in relation to government-driven imperatives) – I shudder to think how things would go down.
Haha and I would be HERE for that freak show! I think I’d find it a lot more interesting, but then again maybe I’d miss the fakeness after someone sets something on fire 😉 TBD.
I just LOVE how you seem to see the world the same way I do (Spock-like or just generally Vulcan-like, you know). It’s always a pleasure to read you. I find you really inspiring. I wish you all the best to survive until you finally get to leave Corporate America real soon. 😊
Hell yeah – Live long and prosper (I’m doing the salute right now though you can’t see it)! And thank you for saying that 🙂 ! That’s really nice to hear. And I’m going to make it! 6 work days after today…
Living for this content, Purple! lol. I want to get where you are, financially speaking.
I actively have to offer a bit of my life happenings to my manager every week, otherwise they start projecting “a bad attitude” upon me, so lots of fake laughs and yard work info… it’s gross. And the crazy thing is, if I mention trying to fix any challenges about work rather than “I’m doing all the things” I also get the “bad attitude” vibe. I spend more energy managing the managers, than being awesome at my job… in some ways having an office job IS career suicide.
I do wonder if all the life stories and challenges would be fun if none of us needed the money, and we were creating the value we want to see in the world, rather than satisfying others need for hierarchy.
Haha that’s awesome! And ah – I’m sorry about that bad attitude projection and getting that when you try to fix things at work?! That’s ridiculous. Ugh managing managers is the wooooorst. I hate it so much. Such a waste of time. A utopia where people don’t put on a mask for fear of not being able to eat is indeed my dream – I would hope that would help everyone move towards shared goals as well 🙂 .
Oh, how I loved this content! I also appreciate you writing it before you leave, because the emotions are so much more real.
I think my biggest pet peeve in this area is the constant use of the word ‘team.’ Everything must be sacrificed to the altar of teamwork.
Yet, we all have vastly different life goals. Moreover, corporate incentives are hidden, decisions that only serve one leader’s bonus are made and opinions are never really heard unless they perfectly coalesce with leaderships agenda/incentives.
To me, the small talk is just the social lubrication to create some form of commonality. Its the pretending as if achieving work goals is a sacred endeavor, in service to the team, instead of profit that rubs me the worst way.
Alas, working from home feels so much more freeing, because the facade is only temporary. Working in the office, this stuff was eating my soul alive.
Haha I’m glad you enjoyed it! And yeah I’m not sure I’ll write stuff like this after I leave since I won’t be ‘qualified’ to do so 😉 . That is a great way to look at it – I’ve never thought about how the ‘team’ is built up like that…and how it’s such as easily seen through lie. And YES I love working from home for similar reasons. Making my face and body lie in addition to my voice while in an office was so exhausting.
I can’t agree with you more. As a parent, the two worst places we send out children to are public schools and corporations. Congrats on getting out.
Thank you! I’m curious though: What do you mean by sending children to public schools?
The majority of my career to date has been in nonprofit, human service organizations — I wonder if this setting allows workers to behave more authentically. For example, most people apply (and are hired, at least partly) because their personal motivations align with the agency’s mission, a tendency lending itself to coworkers sharing similar values. Our behavior toward clients, however, demands a heavy dose of customer service. For me, customer service demands (including managing up) are the most wearisome.
That’s interesting! I guess I hadn’t considered someone would be genuine in their interest in something outside of the money (yikes – showing my own biases here). I was thinking about people like my partner who love to code and in some programmer interviews they ask you what code projects you do in your free time (to show your love of it), but that’s doesn’t necessarily translate into liking the actual code work you do for a job. I can see those things aligning much better at a non-profit and it sounds like allowing less of this fake culture to flourish, which is awesome!
I started out working in a small 8 person engineering group at a big facility. We were like family, did stuff together after work. We had lots of real genuine laughter almost every day. We pranked each other and went to each other’s weddings. We knew everyone in every family. It never felt fake. As I worked my way up it became colder and more mercenary but it wasn’t fake, those people were brutally honest and efficient. But they also had great compassion, my Fortune 500 CEO hugged me when my dad died. I don’t believe he was faking, but he’d also fire people without mercy or warning. When I retired slightly early I was sent off with a lot of love and hugs. I don’t miss work, but the camaraderie I sometimes do.
That’s interesting – I’ve literally never heard of this type of dynamic at a job before and it’s cool to hear it exists outside of a TV screen. Your comment about how compassionate your boss was to you while firing other people “without mercy or warning” raises a few flags for me – it sounds like some people were treated with compassion while others, not so much 🙂 .
Ah, a good reminder of what I don’t at all miss about corporate life, although since the sale of the company I work for, it’s starting to become like that again. I’ve already had to fight off excessive meetings. I think what you’re describing is a phenomena I’ve noticed in all sectors of life: There is the perception of some people that participating in meetings is getting things done. Even for those who do want to accomplish something, if a meeting is held it will be populated with at least some of these people.
I found this out first-hand when I joined and because chair of our downtown placemaking committee. I learned quickly that I and two other people were the only ones contributing ideas. This came despite me both opening up the floor for ideas every time, as well as making it clear ideas could be submitted via email. I made sure the other two knew to wait when I asked for ideas to ensure those who hadn’t spoken yet had an opportunity to do so. Nothing. It was clear the rest were there to essentially say they were on the committee. Then the other two who did contribute ideas left, I quit. I don’t need a committee to come up with ideas, I can just do that on my own.
I think that’s what happens at companies. People get caught up in the corporate game and others are along for the ride, and the few genuine individuals who actually want to do good work and stick to what makes pragmatic sense get drowned out.
This is why I valued a small company. There just isn’t time for too much BS (oh, there’s still some though) because everyone is just too busy.
Haha happy to help! And I’m sorry your company is becoming like that. I never understood people that think meetings are productive – it may be the same people that are incompetent so others don’t trust them to do actual work…hold on I think I just figured it out 😉 . Sounds like you found the most efficient way to get those ideas regardless. I love it. My current company was pretty minuscule when I started. We didn’t have much BS then either. Ahh the good ole days 🙂 .
It took me much longer to be as clear-eyed as you are about office politics. At 30, I still felt that unending work hours, perfect completion of tasks, problem-solving, coming up with ideas to improve processes and fact-based decision support would be, first, the road to success, and then, to financial independence by age 50 or so. Yeah, I know. Don’t giggle, you Millenials – my road to independence was longer, I had to overcome 2 birth defects: generation and geography. I’m early Gen-X, from Western Europe, where everybody is supposed to work until reaching the retirement age of 65-67. Traditionally, any private savings surplus must be invested in buying your own little cottage (“beton gold”). Even today, living on your investment portfolio before age 60 is an unheard-of idea for most Europeans. For an 18th century farmer, the idea of human beings travelling through the air at the speed of sound had a name: “witchcraft.” Financial indepence before retirement age: “lottery?”
So I’ve stayed a corporate drone for 2 decades longer than you did. For the past 12 years, I’ve carved out a 95+% home office niche. From frequent trips between subsidaries and branch offices to, gradually, not bothering to clock in at the main office just to warm my chair. For a century-old manufacturing corporation rather than a marketing agency, this was unconventional. It helped that the vice president who was my direct supervisor was located on the US East Coast while I worked in Europe, so no need to demonstrate my continued physical existence and collect sociability points via office smalltalk. The obligation to wear an office-persona mask that exuded good vibes at all times had felt much more draining than the work itself.
I officially adopted the Spock vibe 7 years ago, in a presentation in which I used Enterprise clips to explain that my job’s main purpose (planning and analysis) was like Spock’s vis-a-vis Kirk and Bones (Sales & Marketing). That helped. It puts you in a box if you don’t immerse yourself willingly into the daily routine of office play-acting – but instead of the A-hole box, it’s the Spock box of no time for smalltalk.
I’ve reached my FIRE point this year, at 54. Not quite retired yet – travel restrictions in times of Covid-19 delay our plan to grab our dog and ride into the sunset, doing geoarbitrage. But 2021 is waving from the horizon. Enjoy the countdown of your final 7 days as a corporate drone – I’m doing the same with my final ~7 months.
I’m definitely not giggling – escaping early or at all is something to celebrate. At times I’ve wished that I didn’t see these things – it’s kind of like taking the red pill in the Matrix. Once you do you can’t unsee it and it makes everything harder even though you can see the truth.
That’s awesome how you’ve carved a work from home situation for yourself. And AGREED on the office persona mask at times being more draining than the work YES! And haha that sounds like an amazing presentation you gave – I’m so glad it helped. Congratulations on hitting your FIRE number and on your final months until retirement!!
ha, i just wrote one today about b.s. in the workplace that is a little similar. “just don’t pee on my back and tell me it’s raining.” f’ the work place. go for the money which you can save and invest.
Sounds good to me 🙂 !
I love this post, APL! I’ve had many of these thoughts myself. You raise such a great point about people can’t even tell the truth about their motives. Small talk is awful and inefficient too, totally agree. At least you’re almost done with it for good!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! It’s fascinating that people think others are dumb enough to now see through their fake motives 🙂 . And all true – soon I can’t talk about this stuff so I thought I’d get it out now haha.
Yup. On point. This is why I moved into a business development/sales position as early on in my career as I could make it happen. It felt more objective and transparent. My job was to get good deals (in my case, commercial owner user real estate loans – I know, it was really specific but there was tons of biz in that space and somehow being such a specialist made it easier to focus) and close them. Clients were happy, bosses were happy and I was happy when that happened bc there was no pretense about what my job was and what expectations were and the measuring stick of success, if you will, was clear! And as a woman in the workplace, it was empowering because I didn’t have to play as many games and have to deal with so many competing agendas. The 1st 5 years of my career were spent playing effing games and it was emotionally exhausting. And I stayed motivated in a draining sales position (you can never be too far away from your smart phone) bc at least I didn’t have to deal with so much bullshit. Corporate America to me is one big game of figuring out whose agenda is winning at any given moment and catering to said agenda whether you want to or not. Cheers to *almost* being done! You got this!
That’s interesting – I haven’t heard of sales/biz dev being more transparent before, but that makes sense. And ahhh to have a clear measurement of success – the dream 🙂 . I’ve never really thought of the emotionally exhausting aspects of this, but you’re totally right and I can see it in my own experience as well in retrospect. Anyway, it is indeed a game and I’m excited to join you on the other side soon!
I see the fakeness a little differently as a FI but not FIRE type. It’s more of a game of thrones scenario. Everyone has a mutual understanding of what most everyone else wants and you play along to get ahead, create long term networks, and have a mutually beneficial work lifestyle. My experience definitely is not everyones but I think if you see your career as long (20-30+ years), relationships, corporate culture, small talk, superficial relationship building is all part of the process. If you’re looking at FIRE and a sprint to retirement, I can’t imagine any work is going to be much more than a paycheck.
That’s an interesting perspective. I don’t know if it’s just me, but my perception of fakeness and my inability to deal with it was there even before I decided to pursue FI at all (or had even heard about it). I think I just find it hard to ‘lie’ and play a game – even a game of thrones 😉 . It’s exhausting to me. Even when work was WAY more than a paycheck for me I couldn’t put up with it.
I disagree about small talk. Well, small talk to people you don’t like is annoying. But how do you become friends if you don’t talk? It’s good to chat and learn more about someone you’re working with. You might hit it off.
I’ve found your assumption: that I want to become friends with my coworkers 🙂 . I do not. The ones that are genuinely good and kind people I’ve built relationships with outside of work that aren’t created or even started by small talk. Or perhaps small talk is the wrong phrase – fake niceties. I don’t know if it’s my industry, but it’s filled with a lot of assholes that are really easy to identify in how they treat others at work and I want no part of their lives 🙂 .
I actually like the few minutes here and there to get to know how people are doing and how their vacations went. But I guess if it was ‘expected’ and not optional, than it would feel different and fake.
Yep – as I suspected, I have no heart and you do 🙂 . If I’m at work I’m there to work and find it annoying to take time out of a meeting with a set agenda that will run over regardless to talk about things that don’t matter to the agenda #RobotAlert. This is also impacted by the fact that I don’t care about my colleagues overall because they are two-faced and overall not lovely people.
This response genuinely made me laugh. Very good article Purple, thanks for sharing!
Haha so glad you enjoyed it!
Yes! I hate the fakeness at work. Also sending me a happy birthday text on a weekend doesn’t win you points, answering my freaking email about your project would be a much better way to build rapoor. I hate the forced comraderie. Also, mustn’t we continue with dressing up, full make up, etc. just to just in an office all day? Ugh.
A text on the weekend?! Even if it’s happy birthday people better not be texting me on my days off haha. And YES to answering the original email ughgh that’s annoying. And YES looking ‘professional’ (even the dressed down type of professional allowed in marketing/ad agencies) takes up SO much unnecessary time and energy. I am WITH you!
This…explains so much about why corporate jobs and I never got along 🙂
It all makes sense 😉 .
I’m a striaght up person so I hate these BS and fake ppl that I come across. I typically try to differentiate between work ppl and friends. Definitely don’t hang out with work ppl outside of work. 🙂
That’s smart. I’m usually very careful when I consider work people friends – even if we’ve hung out after work. I’m always waiting to see if there’s fakeness there. Usually the ultimate test is if we still hang out after I leave the company.
This reminds me of all the companies I’ve worked at before and hated. And reminds me to be appreciative of this company where it’s not an issue.
I literally never ask anyone in the company “how are you?” unless I want to hear an answer. I just get right to it. But since I work with some pretty neat people, I will occasionally ask or have a bit of chitchat. 20 minutes a month, max. If that.
I ask my team how they are from time to time because it’s important to me that I support them as a manager to have balance and to be aware if they have crap going on, especially any family stuff that impacts them personally and they feel free to volunteer personal info that impacts their day. It helps because I can then offer support if they want or need it.
I like to think the balance of almost all business but also caring about them as humans if they need anything is why I had at least one person trusting me enough to trust I would treat them right and therefore gave me a hugely long notice period. They continue to work with me on a freelance basis today. I hope that they all feel free to be that honest with me because as much as I am able to be, I’d be with them.
That’s awesome it’s not an issue at your current company! It sounds like y’all have a good culture that you help perpetuate by being a great manager who actually cares about your people – and thinks of them as people instead of robots there to work 🙂 .
I’m not saying this doesn’t exist in the trades/field work, but I have to say that the difference I noticed when I went to field work to being an engineer in an office was…stark.
I have no interest in jockeying for position with other people, I just want to get my work done and go home. This is one of the main drivers for spouse and I to live so frugally now. We want to be able to walk away from this all and do work we feel is fulfilling.
There is so much negativity attached to people who aren’t chasing promotions and glory. I just want to build things in peace.
Good to know this kind of nonsense isn’t as present in trades/field work. I really don’t understand the office assumption that you want to (and have to) always be wanting to move up the ladder – especially if you’re good at your actual job and enjoy it. Moving up usually just means managing people and that sounds like a nightmare to me 🙂 . I hope you get to build things in peace soon.
It is def very exhausting to pretend to “want to work in marketing until I die”. Thanks for saying what we all feel.
Seriously – for that reason I stopped pretending about 4 years ago 🙂 .
I have made good friends through work at my previous companies. So in a way, I like small talk and getting to know people who are genuinely nice. it makes the days more pleasant. However at my current company, where there is a lot of fakery and back stabbing, I hate small talk. My boss is super nice to othet managers and those above her, but pretty rude to people below her.
That’s awesome your last company was like that! Ugh I’m sorry about your current company – that sucks and your boss sounds like the opposite of a delight. Hang in there!
> if people stopped putting on a mask at work
we’re talking a metaphorical mask, right? cause it makes so much more sense if it’s metaphorical…
Lol – yes, a metaphorical professional mask
I really appreciate this post. I am acutely aware of these fake conversations at my work too. I work for a community college, funded by CA taxpayers, with a unionize faculty and staff. The politics is very complicated and sometime intense. So everyone is playing a very delicate balance (or should I say, a delicate game [aka fakeness]); like, everyone seems to be talking about how important their depart is for “student success” and therefore should get more piece of the pie. A lot of the money goes to salary and to the day to day running of the program, not to students. If they can just say: “we all need to be equally funded because we live in the California and we need to pay our bills, that would be less fake, hahaha…
So glad you enjoyed it! That sounds like a tough situation that would be less complicated if people were honest – maybe one day 🙂 .
I feel the same, I recently got a new job. It’s been 3& 1/2 months “playing my role”. Working virtually doesn’t help either because the fake ness is someone more glaring, this period has really made me thinking about “corporate culture” and how much it doesn’t align w/ who I am. Everyone is just putting on a show and being so grandeur, meanwhile I just want to “keep it real” *sigh*
That’s interesting – what do you think makes the fakeness more glaring? I’m just curious. I found it less so actually since having your face and body ‘on’ seems like more work and ‘more’ fakeness added to the mix when working in person somehow. Yeah I’m waiting for someone to say corporate culture agrees with me – but I guess if it does they wouldn’t be on this blog 🙂 .
Amen!! I just bookmarked this because corporate fakeness is hands down my biggest pet peeve ever. I’m also a hardcore introvert so I hate small talk in general. I wonder if extroverts enjoy small talk at work…
Woohoo!! Welcome to the club 🙂 . I am also curious if extroverts enjoy small talk…let’s do a poll or something!
It really is simple: That “fake work culture” is really just a sloppy manipulation.
1) The company wants to maximize your value production
2) The employee wants to maximize their consumption of that value
2b) How to maximize consumption of value depends on the position
So the “fakeness” is a constructed morality to gaslight you about 2b. Personally? Im a full fledged sociopath at work. I extract whatever value I can, then bail after 1-2 years