This is a continuation of my monthly series that records what’s happening in my final stretch to early retirement. If you’re interested in previous posts, they’re here:
- 13 Months To Retirement: Prioritizing Loved Ones
- 14 Months To Retirement: Battling The Impatience Beast
- 15 Months To Retirement: Exploring The Different Kinds Of Stress
- 16 Months To Retirement: Discovering Cracks In My Favorite Company
- 17 Months To Retirement: Apartment Drama
A few months ago I was tottering along with my life of work, play and blogging when this happened:
I was nominated and selected as a finalist for multiple Plutus Awards including Best FIRE Blog, Best Personal Finance Article and BLOG OF THE FUCKING YEAR (expletive mine).
This was shocking to me for many reasons – one of the biggest being that I didn’t ask anyone to nominate me. People are busy bees that think about us a lot less often than we believe so when I didn’t ask anyone to nominate me I didn’t expect for this blog to pop up in anyone’s mind.
To be honest I didn’t think I was worthy of any of those titles so asking anyone to nominate me for them seemed silly. So I stayed silent and this (shockingly) happened anyway. So thank you to everyone that thought of me and believed me worthy of any award and nominated me as such. It was an honor just to see my name up there with the greats.
So hearing I was a finalist was shocking and didn’t seem to compute in my brain. But then, while attending my first FinCon, something even more surprising happened:
I won. I received my first award ever for Best Personal Finance Article. A friend caught a picture of me when they announced my name and it looked like I was trying to hide in plain sight, which sounds about right. My thoughts when walking up to the stage included “OMGOMGOMG no way, no way, no way – don’t trip, Don’t trip, DON’T TRIP!” Shockingly I did not trip despite practically running off the stage – I’m not one for the spotlight (despite what my bright hair and theater background might imply).
I stare at this badge to try and make it sink in that people enjoy what I write here. I’m not completely certain why it’s so hard for me to believe. I don’t think I’m a particularly good writer, but I’m starting to realize that people who are close to their creations often don’t see the positives, only the flaws.
For example, this summer I had dinner with rich & REGULAR. Julien is a trained chef and his food was DELICIOUS, but he kept apologizing for minuscule things he said were off (I literally didn’t notice any of them…). Check out this yummy and beautiful feast:
When I was dyeing my hair purple I noticed a few pieces of hair that were different shades of purple as a result of how I had applied bleach to my hair (AKA lazily…). I saw flaws instead of the awesome result that I was really happy with.
Being too close to something can exacerbate this distorted view and my writing is no different. For every post I publish there is always something I think is wrong with it – a paragraph that I couldn’t get to flow as well as I wanted or a detail I couldn’t find a way to seamlessly include. I look at my work and see flaws instead of accomplishments, so I’m here declaring that I’m going to punch self-doubt in the face. Here’s how:
1. Listen to compliments
I’m strangely uncomfortable when receiving compliments. I don’t know why, but when someone takes time out of their day to give me a compliment I should really listen. They are being genuine. People have a lot of thoughts – good and bad, but share few of them. If someone is taking time out of their day to compliment me I need to really LISTEN and BELIEVE them.
2. Continue keeping a warm and fuzzy record
This is linked to verbal compliments, but is more writing focused. If someone writes me a really heartfelt comment, tweet or DM I save it. I’ve been doing this since I took my blog public and believe doing so is one of the biggest reasons I haven’t quit. If I’m ever doubting myself or why I’m doing this I read through a few of those comments and it makes me feel warm, fuzzy and energized to continue 🙂 . I was originally going to stop this practice, but I think it’s still important to combat my self-doubt
3. Compliment others
I often think people know how awesome they are because it’s obvious to me, but it most likely isn’t obvious to them (unless they’re a narcisist 🙂 ). So I’m working on not keeping the nice things I think in my head and sharing them in case it can brighten someone’s day
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for recognition
This might be the hardest step for me. It’s difficult for me to look at my own work and declare it ‘worthy of praise’, not just on this blog but anything I do in the world. However, if I ever do think myself worthy I should be open to reminding others that I am here. There have been a few times that I vote for an award and later remember someone I wanted to acknowledge that I didn’t think of in the moment – there’s nothing wrong with giving that nudge
Conclusion
The part of FinCon that I remember most vividly are the people that came up to me to thank me for writing my blog and telling me how it changed something for them. That’s life changing shit right there and I need to believe them instead of that dumb voice in my head telling me what I didn’t do perfectly. So this is my plan to fight against my (dumb) instincts. Self-doubt can suck it.
Have you ever experienced self-doubt? How do you fight against it?
Congratulations on the Plutus award!
The reason why you’re blog is my favorite is a couple things:
1.) You take me back to the old school MMM style fire with a modern twist. Your plan is to retire on a relatively modest sum and you keep expenses low.
2.) You bring a different perspective to the FIRE community than the typical white male perspective.
3.) You integrate lifestyle design with financial topics with ease.
4.) You’ve got a great writer’s voice.
5.) You are consistent with posting and bring new content each week.
I’ve been following your blog for a little while now and have read most of the posts. You’re doing awesome and remember us when your blog is massive!
Thank you so much for those kind words – Wow. You’d be a great publicist 😉 . This blog will never be massive (by design) and there’s no way I could forget y’all – you’re the best part of blogging. Thank you for stopping by! I’m excited to have you a part of our accountability group 🙂 .
It’s certainly a delicate balance – as creators, we’re always searching for those imperfections because it’s that search that allows us to improve and grow. I met a woman at a photography seminar who asked me about how I improved my work the most. I told her when I started, I really sucked. I read everything I could on photography, and I would look at and critique my own photos, finding a dozen flaws. But that was instructive – I would keep that in mind in the field, and I noticed those flaws started narrowing to 10, then 8, then 5, and so on.
So, self-critique is important; but it’s balanced with fending off imposter syndome. As Adam Scott, creator of Dilbert, says, you only have to be slightly better than someone else to be worthy. I strive for more than that in all I do, of course, but we don’t have to be perfect. I think we need to strive toward perfection, but also simultaneously be OK with not getting there, because we rarely do.
You’re blog is great because it is authentic, well-written and personal. Reading it, I could tell you’re someone I would enjoy hanging out with. And I know we’ve bonded over enjoying low cost of living lifestyles, and enduring being called “extreme” because of it. You’re doing great work, and it’s been fun following your journey.
You’re exactly right. Identifying imperfections has definitely improved my writing so I probably shouldn’t give it such a bad wrap 🙂 . Accepting that perfect is usually impossible is a whole other thought process I need to tackle (Adding this to my favorite sayings “we need to strive toward perfection, but also simultaneously be OK with not getting there, because we rarely do.”)
So glad you’ve been enjoying it and our ‘extreme’ ways 😉
i don’t think i struggled with self-doubt except maybe when i was dating in my 20’s. once i threw caution to the wind on that a lot of things fell into place in life. it’s funny how one little out of balance facet can throw off the rest which are in perfectly good running order. 12 months to go.
Dating in your 20s you say? I’m curious to learn more 🙂 . I’ve never really ‘dated’ and before I was in this relationship had the same IDGAF attitude I did with everything else. Sounds that you got there as well and it helped overall – glad to hear it wasn’t just me. 12 months indeed!
Congrats on the Plutus Award! Unlike you, I definitely wasn’t surprised you received nominations in multiple categories and won!
I’ve been a silent lurker (guess the truth is out now) for a couple months but you’re definitely one of my favorite bloggers!
I’m excited for your FIRE journey and can’t wait to read about where the next 12 months takes you.
Thank you!! You’re too kind. I’m glad you’ve revealed yourself and stopped being a lurker 🙂 though I can’t really talk since I did that for years instead of months. Welcome to the party! And yes let’s see what happens lol…
Congratulations on the Plutus Award, APL! Well deserved and I have always admired your blog from the moment I found it. You have original style. I have definitely experienced self-doubt… a lot. It happens at work, in person, and with blogging. And I can relate to not knowing what to do with compliments. I will even change the subject. I have been trying to just say thank you because I’ve noticed I respect when others can accept a compliment like that. Awesome that you only have 12 more months to go!
Thank you and that’s so lovely!! And yep – redirecting compliments is an art 🙂 . Awesome you’re starting to accept them – that is a trait to be respected. And eeek yay to 12!!
You know what? Congrats. Well deserved and you are inspiring for many. So, you kmow what? Keep it up!
Haha – thank you!! And will do!
You know what I think of your writing and how much I love your style!🙌 I love even more that you are putting practical steps in place to tackle your self-doubt, you are AMAZING.
Now if only I can find the courage to apply the same steps in my life 🤔😅. Thanks for the constant inspiration!!
So deserved ❤️❤️❤️ And am I really the only one who got a picture of you??
Thank you Angela! And yep – everyone else must have been putting a cough drop in their mouths like I was OOPS LOL!
Aww shucks lady – well I will try to put into practice right now and say “thank you. i believe you.” Ughgh that was hard. And if you want to make those changes I know you could!! Anytime 😉
Congratulations!
I only starting being able to accept compliments when it occurred to me that people who complimented mt were offering a gift. To throw it back in their faces would be beyond rude,…
Oops.
Speeling nistake…
“…people who complimented me…”
Past my bedtime. Goodnight!
Thank you! And that is a lovely way to think about compliments – thank you for sharing that…though I suck at receiving gifts as well so this is starting to make even more sense 🙂 . Hope you slept well!
Your writing is fabulous, and I appreciate the public shaming–er, accountability group–for its motivation to actually focus on my own writing. Please do let the positive sink in. You inspire so many. Thanks!
Aw thank you so much lady! And haha glad you appreciate the public shaming (that’s totally what it is 🙂 ). I’ll work on it 😉 . Thank you for stopping by!
I think it’s definitely easy to fall pretty to self-criticism. Like you, I tend to only see the flaws, so it’s hard to look at the whole and be happy with it.
Like Frogdancer, I try to remember that it’s rude to refute people’s compliments (in this culture at least). Even demurring is negating the nice things they’re saying, so I try to just say thank you and control the blushing.
Glad it’s not just me, but it sounds like we all have a ways to go then 🙂 . Frogdancer had a really point and that might be what finally shakes me out of my “oh no – you’re too kind” reaction to compliments. You’re completely right and I will demur no more! Thank you for stopping by lady 🙂
Congrats on your award!
It’s funny I struggle with compliments too. Some you can easily say ‘thank you’, others are super awkward where any way you respond makes you feel like you will come off as arrogant or cocky lol.
Thank you! And based on these comments I’m starting to really believe we need a support group for learning to accept compliments 🙂 .
Purple!! Just wanted to let you know that I’m back with the blog already hahaha (I’ve discovered I love my site and writing stories too much)! Although I’m totally happy with the decision now, it was LONG self-doubting process: so your post came at the perfect time. I knew I wanted to write stories instead of the flat, informational newsletter, but then I was worried to confuse my readers who are used to the newsletter format, only to change AGAIN. I just got comments from my readers on my latest post why I’m bringing the blog back, so I think feedback is so important for crushing self-doubt!
Also question: I know you shared your writing process in small snippets here and there, do you plan on writing a whole post about it? I’d be happy to read it!! ps. your advice on taking time to write has been working very well 🙂
Oh wow – that’s great (I say selfishly 😉 )!! I’m excited to read more of your work. So happy that feedback and the post helped you feel secure enough to go after what you want! As for my writing process, I wasn’t planning on writing a whole post about it, but I can 🙂 – my 5 year anniversary of writing this blog (though mostly privately…) is actually coming up and I was thinking of reflecting on that. I think I’ll twist it to include my writing process and see what happens! So happy my taking your time to write advice is working for you!!