This is a continuation of my monthly series that records what’s happening in my final stretch to early retirement. If you’re interested in previous posts, they’re here.
I don’t know what happened. I’ve been pleading with my brain for years to not react to metaphorical office fires with a rapid heartbeat and rising stress, but it never listened. Despite knowing my job doesn’t really ‘matter’ and that there are no real negative consequences to something going wrong, my perfectionism muscle wouldn’t allow me to escape emotionally unscathed. Everything was a Category 5 emergency that continued to rattle around in my brain every evening and weekend.
Well, now everything has changed. I’ve achieved DGAF (aka don’t give a fuck) status – that balance between overthinking and apathy that I was so desperately seeking. I noticed recently that I haven’t been feeling that spike of anxiety when something goes wrong or a client berates me. I’ve been surprisingly calm with level emotions despite any nonsense that’s come my way. I also noticed a change in how much I’m willing to inconvenience myself for work nonsense. Here are some examples from the past week:
Purple Thoughts: “You want me to travel to another city for a meeting you just told me about that I will barely make even if I drop everything and run out the door now?” Response: “I won’t be able to make that meeting. Let me know how it goes.”
“You invited me to a meeting that could be an email at 6am tomorrow? Decline.”
“You want me to come into the office for a 3 hour meeting that doesn’t have an agenda and is not related to client work? No thank you.”
I don’t know who this badass is that’s taken over my body, but I LOVE HER! And I hope this feeling lasts these final 9 months until I quit. I’ve tried to pinpoint what brought this change about and I have a few theories. The first is that once I set an official date that I would quit this job no matter what, my brain had that end date in mind. Instead of not knowing how long I’ll have to grit my teeth through full-time work at this job, the end is in sight, which helps me keep the (lack of) importance of my work in perspective.
Another theory is that I’ve already checked all the boxes from this job. I have colleagues and clients that know I do great work, who would vouch for me if I ever need recommendations down the line. I’ve also gathered several LinkedIn recommendations from these people as well to immortalize those thoughts on ‘paper’.
Knowing that I have this backing has helped me not freak out if I have to take the fall for a colleague in front a new client (which happened recently). If 1 person thinks I’m less than perfect, that’s ok (Woah – if only high school Purple could see me now).
My last theory is that the current project I’m on, and will continue to be on basically until I quit, has done its best to beat my perfectionism out of me because success on this project is literally impossible. We were set up to fail from the beginning, have expressed that to leadership and basically nothing has changed.
I’ve been doing my best to make this project go as well as possible, but about 3 months into the hell it had become, I had to acknowledge that it was not going to get better. This was the project that inspired my post about apathy at work and it’s one of the reasons I was so stressed and tired when I visited my parents in Atlanta this summer.
One of the reasons success is impossible on this project is that the goal posts are constantly shifting despite our best efforts. We agree to a plan of action with the client and the next day it is thrown aside and a new obstacle is placed in our way that is of course “urgent’ and “needs to be fixed today!” It’s been giving me whiplash and made my anxiety go through the roof.
Previously, if a project ever reached this impossible status and there was no change in sight, I would remove myself from it – at times that has taken up to 6 months, but I would still do it. I did not see the reason to keep feeling this continuous wall of anxiety when there was nothing I could do to fix it. That changed with this project because I decided to stay. I decided to see what would happen if I kept fighting despite all the signs that it was unfixable. And it turns out, that had some great consequences I hadn’t anticipated.
There is a bright light amongst this madness. Seeing this giant project continue to be an unwrangle-able beast due to the immense number of people involved and the lack of power given to me and my team to actually do our job has led me to loosen the tight hold I had on the reigns and accept that this project cannot be controlled in the way I want.
Despite my best efforts, there are still fire drills and urgent items that we tried to plan for, but that were moved up, not shared with us and then dropped in our lap at 4pm on a Friday, for example. This project has forced me to let go and accept that even when I do my best, things may not go as planned and that is ok. This mindset shift makes everything a challenge to be solved instead of a reason for a panic attack.
I’m still doing my job to the best of my ability, but my tolerance for unnecessary bullshit is at an all time low and my anxiety seems to have gone with it. So far this level of DGAF has actually allowed me to get more done because I no longer allow people to waste my time on items that are driven more by politics and ‘face time’ than a desire for efficiency. I’m loving this new mindset and really hope it sticks around for the long haul. Let’s find out!
Have you ever reached a DGAF level at work? Did it help or hinder your job?
You need a DILLIGAF t-shirt…
Do I look like I give a f**k? 😀
Subtle work attire. I love it 😉 .
Very interesting post! I’ve found a similar effect with age. Maybe it’s the nature of my job, which is somewhat to defy authority, or maybe I’ve sat through too much corporate BS, but my tolerance for such things has continually decreased, and my DGAF muscles have increased over time.
Fortunately I don’t deal with corporate BS too much and more, since I work for a small independent company and no one has too much time to waste on BS. I am also pretty self-directed, and while that’s its own kind of pressure, to me it beats being micromanaged. (Sometimes my boss tries to micromanage me, and when she does, I evaluate whether I agree with her or not, and if I don’t, I basically ignore her).
In my previous job, I saw all these time wasters you mention. Despite working at a company that was continually cutting employees, there didn’t seem to be any thought to efficiency. I couldn’t believe the time wasting that would go on. I actually sat through the exact same meeting about the company’s social media policy four times. In the fourth time, when asked if there were questions about the first section, I said no one has any questions because we’ve all sat through this four times now, and we all have work to do. A little uncomfortable laughter and the meeting continues.
Good for you for developing those DGAF muscles. Oddly enough, it tends to make one a more efficient and productive employee because you focus on what matters and siphon off the distractions instead of getting panicked by non-essential things. If only more companies would learn to focus on efficiency – it’s much better for their bottom line, after all.
That’s awesome – I love that the DGAF muscles have been growing. I’m interested in how mine will increase over these next 9 months. That’s awesome you’ve found some place that doesn’t have a lot of BS. My company has grown 300% since I started 3 years ago and we started out small and efficient, but with the additional bodies has come nonsense 🙂 .
I’m with you on being self-directed. I previously wanted to be perfect in all things, which was obviously impossible but it did drive me to get things done. Surprisingly I’m still able to get things done without that caring part, which is cool. And ugh being micromanaged is the worst! And you ignore your boss’ micromanaging? That’s something I don’t think I could ever imagine doing in the past, but I can totally see it now haha.
The EXACT same meeting 4 times?!?! What in the world?? I love your snarky comment and am sorry you had to go through that – yuck. That is a great point that efficiency is better for the bottom line. Companies espouse that they’re all about the numbers, but that only seems true when it comes to getting rid of people completely. There’s a lot of fat to be trimmed before it comes to that, but I have a feeling that stuff is wrapped up in ego and why some people want to work forever so meh – I’ll just leave it behind and they can do what they want.
I’d like to make a TV commercial where the tagline is “This holiday season, give yourself the gift of imperfection!” Maybe that will be my holiday post, haha! I used to and still do get caught in that perfect trap. I often have to remind myself that I am good at my job and still good at my job if I don’t do everything humanly possible. Since I am so self-directed, it’s easy to over-direct myself. I often have to remind myself that I can’t be everywhere and do everything. So I get what you’re talking about!
I should clarify if she very adamantly tells me to do something, sure, I will, but some of them are more like suggestions she forwards me. But I’m seeing the news and evaluating as a whole, so I ignore the ones that don’t quite fit. But also, I would be very hard and expensive to replace that this point; which very much works in my favor.
One of the surprises I’ve encountered since really jumping into the FIRE scene is how many people have “meaningless jobs” — not just that they dislike their jobs but that they literally have nothing to do. That companies would hire someone without a need for their work is sort of baffling to me. I don’t like being super stressed out and crazy busy all the time, but the opposite sounds worse. FIRE sounds better than all the above haha
I’m curious to see how your DGAF shifts as you get closer to the date. It’s so fun to follow someone so close! A couple of my intown friends are close too – just had a baby and one friend is going back to work for a little while but they’re pretty much FIRE’d. Someday I will get there too! haha
Yep – I think you just came up with the title right there. It’s great you recognize that about yourself (perfection trap) and work to combat it. And haha yeah I didn’t mean to imply you just brush off your boss 🙂 . Knowing you’re hard and expensive to replace is awesome. I wish my industry factored those types of things in – they seem to be pretty bad at calculating opportunity cost when they lay people off and then we have a lot of churn trying to find someone else.
I’ve only known one person with that type of job: my Mom 🙂 in 2 of her last companies. I don’t know how that would work either, but it seems like a fantastic situation if you work from home. If you have to look busy in an office (or justify your existence weekly with micromanagement request like my Mom did) I can see it being a bit of a nightmare. If you hear about open meaningless WFH jobs let me know lol!
And yeah we’ll see what else changes! I didn’t anticipate this change so who knows what else will happen. That’s awesome about your friends! And yes indeed you will get there!
i haven’t given a f’ for years now. it’s great. i DO care about people in the food chain at work who have treated me well and i respect. if i do something above and beyond it’s personal and more like a favor and i let ’em know if i didn’t like them i could find a reason not to do that. then i give them a short list of people i would find a reason not to help because they have messed with me in some way. transparency is good.
i like my boss and if there is a time-waster i don’t want to do i ask him “is it a condition of my employment that i attend?” i usually is not. a few month’s ago his boss’s boss was coming here for a lunch of the type i usually blow off. i asked if he cared if i went and he said he would like if i did. so i showed up because the dude treats me well and i didn’t want to make him look bad. good for you for the new turn of attitude. it will serve you well.
As always freddy: you’re my role model. That’s a great attitude – I guess I am the same in that I do try to help others in the chain that I appreciate. I’m actually doing something extra for one of them and *gasp* going into the office for it next week to help them out. And haha love that you give a list of people to bother that have wronged you. That’s next level – I should do that.
You’re so classy with “is it a condition of my employment that i attend?” I just do what I want until someone says something. I like framing things in that way though and might incorporate that into my approach.
That is so wise and awesome! Let’s keep this DGAF attitude up for these next 9 months🙌.
Very intrigued to see how the project evolves and if it continues to be this catastrophic. I’m mostly wondering if people may be positively influenced by your sudden change and refusal of their BS. Will they realize how useless these lack of communication/unclear directives have been? Will they change their ways as they see that maybe not everyone follows suit on their silly and wasteful meetings? Probably not, but it would be an interesting outcome!
I sure am loving the lessons it already allowed you to learn through staying on-board despite seeing what a mess it was from the beginning. Congrats on this newfound internal freedom!
Doing my best – I hope it lasts! Based on the last few months (when I have been cultivating this attitude without really identifying it) I think that sadly nothing will be changed. Many people do not seem concerned with efficiency. Some like to be in countless unnecessary meetings because it makes them feel important – same with fire drills and late night emails. I don’t understand it so they can have it. Thank you lady!
In various ways I have reached it and thank goodness I have because I do NOT have any end date on our horizon yet. 😀
I had more major wrassles with anxiety about that particular thing than the work itself. I’ve been feeling like there’s no end in sight and being upset with myself that I haven’t somehow overcome MORE in the past decade, as if I haven’t already overcome a ton of obstacles. I was having real trouble getting perspective on such a big open-ended issue, and it took a lot of time to settle down because it was absolutely affecting how I received work news that ultimately doesn’t matter.
On the work front telling myself that my field of F***s to give is barren kind of helped. 🙂 It also doesn’t help if I go overboard because if I’m too disengaged, my work suffers and I can’t afford that. There’s definitely a balance and it’s a balancing act a lot of days.
That’s awesome you’ve gotten there without an end date pushing your brain! You have done SO much in the past decade – I’m so happy you got to the place to see that. It’s for sure a balancing act – I still hit all my deadlines and do all my work and respond to the emails, but the stress hasn’t come with it, which feels like a blessing.
I am thrilled for the freedom you have! What a relief it must be 😀 I felt a tiny taste of it when I realized my freelance work could cover our mortgage. But then I remembered I care the family health insurance. WOMP WOMP.
It’s a serious relief! If I could achieve this level of calm without a countdown clock looming that would have made my career a lot easier 🙂 . That’s so awesome your freelancing can cover the mortgage! I know health insurance in this country is a bummer, but that is seriously an awesome accomplishment! If needed your housing would covered!
I still get pretty anxious when a customer is angry. Not sure my anxiety will ever abate on that score thanks to childhood issues. But I’m working on it and each time remind myself that we can’t please everyone all of the time. So it stresses me out less than it used to. That’s something.
Congrats on your new attitude. It sounds wonderfully healthy!
That’s totally fair. Realizing I can’t please everyone has been an eye opener – I was always so afraid of failure that it infected if anything said anything negative that could ever include me at work. I’m happy I’ve taken that pressure off myself because a lot of this stuff can’t be controlled – especially when it’s a group project. Thank you lady!
Aaah, your clients sound exactly like mine… I feel your pain.
Totally had the DGAF switch once I gave 2 months notice at my highly face-timey, high-office politics job. I think that like you I am also a perfectionist, and the temporary lack of drive to obsess was blissful.
Ugh – I’m sorry. Is there any end in sight for no longer working with them? So happy to hear you got that DGAF feeling too and I feel fortunate that I didn’t have to wait to give my notice to feel it. Why did you give so much notice (2 months instead of 2 weeks)? Just curious. It is pretty blissful over here.
HI! Annoying client’s contract is up in March, so the end is indeed in sight.
As for the 2 months notice, I was editor in chief of a relatively well-known website, so it was not an easily replaceable position. And I knew that there was no way they would have me leave on the spot😝
I like your “light at the end of the tunnel” approach. Randomly my client is supposed to take up less of my time starting int March. So come on March! And ah that totally makes sense. When I was in a 2 person shop (including me) I gave 4 months notice – also because I loved my boss.
Good for you for letting go of the bull at work! I’ve reached DGAF status at every job I’ve ever had. It can both help and hinder. In my case, it can help me have better ideas because I don’t care what other people will think of them. Happy 9 months to retirement!
Thank you! It was a long time coming, but we got here! That’s so interesting you got to DGAF status at every job – is that just because you were there long enough to not let things bother you/stopped caring what people thought? Great point that it can lead to better ideas. That’s definitely true. Instead of agreeing to everything for internal projects for example I only pursue the ones that seem like they’ll have an actual impact.
Oh, I can relate only too well. I’m in strategic M&A so everything is an emergency. My favorite saying is “if everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority.”
When you are competitive, have high standards and only know how to do your best, it’s hard to adapt to the corporate wonderland of personal bias and office politics. I just remember all that I can control is how I respond. If you can shift your perspective just a little like you did, then you can adapt to any environment and find a positive balance.
Happy journey to the light at the end of the corporate tunnel. It looks like your freedom is very close at hand…
Oh no – I’m sorry you’re in a similar boat! That is a great and very accurate saying. You’re completely right – my perfectionism hasn’t really served me in my career except for increasing my anxiety.
Up until this point I didn’t think I could control how I responded (since I had failed previously), but that does seem to be the case given how I feel now. Great ideas and thank you! What’s 296 days between friends 😉 ?
Awesome to hear that you’ve reached DGAF status and that your anxiety is gone with it! This sounds healthy and like your DGAF status is only going to increase as the months count down. I also like that you mentioned that you are still doing your job to the best of your ability and how this attitude is actually helping with your work. You just don’t have to care about the useless stuff now lol I have only experienced this status briefly during times when I gave my 2 weeks notice. I guess also during my year off. I enjoy hearing about your journey. Look forward to more. 🙂
Yeah I’m so happy about it – FINALLY! We’ll see if my DGAF levels increase – I’m not sure they can to be honest haha. Awesome you’ve felt it before and good to know it happens even while taking time off. So glad you’re enjoying it! I’ll keep it coming 🙂 .
There’s a magical moment in work life when you realize you have more power and respect than you thought.
When you do good work, pushing the envelope on these types of things are quickly brushed over or even ignored. Most people just think of themselves.
9 months is so close! Best of luck finishing this out.
You should put that on a throw pillow or something 🙂 – very wise and true. Great point about doing good work. I’ve actually seen that even people that do less than good work get away with pushing the envelope – fascinating. Employees might indeed have more power than we think. And thank you!
Congratulations! That’s an awesome place to be in. I hope it last a long time. Setting a date is a powerful thing. A date makes it real and you can move on mentally.
I think I skipped straight to apathy. I was in that job for too long. 🙂
Thank you Joe! It’s not a bad place to be sure 😉 . I have yet to make it to apathy, but my record is only 3 years. I’m sure I would have gotten there eventually. Awesome you got out when you did!
This embodies why I want to FIRE. I’m in the last couple weeks at my current job until I leave for a new job and I also have this IDGAF feeling. I’m trying to leave on the best note possible and do the job to the best of my abilities as a weird sort of FUCK YOU to some wild management (kill em with kindness). But I’m definitely not as flexible to their silly whims as I was before when I more needed it.
Good luck on the last few months!
Colby
That Charles Life
Awesome! Congratulations on moving to a new job. I love the idea of doing your best work as a fuck you – sensational! Kill them with kindness indeed. Amazing you have that mindset, good luck at the new gig and thank you!