We’re on Week 8 of self-quarantine in Seattle and I feel guilty to admit that despite all the wild things happening in the world, for me personally, the first few weeks of quarantine were a dream.
As the great philosopher John Mulaney once said “Percentage-wise, it’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you are supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin. It is an amazing feeling. Such instant joy!”
I feel that (ridiculous) joke from his hilarious stand up special New In Town so hard. I’m an introvert and require a lot of chill time to function as a seemingly ‘normal’ member of society. In general, introversion is defined as feeling recharged or rejuvenated by being alone. In contrast, an extrovert feels energized by being around people.
While I greatly enjoy time with the people I love, after a little while, I start feeling drained and like I need to curl up with a good book in the corner for a few hours or risk devolving into more of a toddler than an adult woman.
As a result, my life involves sprints of time with people and marathons of alone time. I may see a different friend every night after work for a week, and then have to lie face down in my bed the whole weekend so I can feel normal enough to do my (people-filled) client service job again the next week.
Introversion As A Quarantine Superpower
So after Seattle went into lockdown, I went through a few stages of thought:
Week 1: “This is going to be a much needed break. I can finally relax and stay home without guilt!”…Then Angela from Tread Lightly Retire Early sent me this meme, which hit the nail a little too hard on the head:
Week 2: “Thank goodness this quarantine is happening during a time when the world has the internet. I can still see my people even if they’re just through a screen! Feeling grateful!”
Week 3: “I have at least one virtual hangout planned every day this week and next. It’s too much!”
Week 4: “Uh oh….something’s changed.” I started missing hanging with people and relayed this change on Twitter:
@TreadLightly_RE – I just said this to my partner and I thought it would make you chuckle:
Me: I have at least one friend vid chat every day this week. I have too many hangouts!
…But seriously. It's Week 4 of my self-quarantine and I'm missing IRL people. It's happened😭.
— A Purple Life (@APurpleLifeBlog) March 24, 2020
Week 5: “Phew that missing people phase was (luckily) short lived and I’m back to enjoying my solitude!” Though, I must admit, I got a little emotional when this happened on the last day of Week 5:
A friend just dropped off a ridiculous amount of soup from a Costco run they did and afterwards I realized that was the first time I've seen someone I know outside of a computer screen in 5 weeks😲 (from a safe distance of course). Weird times man.
— A Purple Life (@APurpleLifeBlog) April 5, 2020
Week 6: “Oh good I’m back to enjoying myself. There are so many books to read and movies to watch! My never-ending queue seems to finally be shrinking. It’s almost like I’m getting a head start on my #sluglife retirement to-dos!”
Week 7: “Blerg – I miss my Mom…”
Week 8: “This is getting old. Also how am I still tired when I sleep so much now?! Ugh – lying face down feels soooo goooooood….”
Minute Changes
Despite most of the world shutting down, overall I’ve been surprised by how ‘unchanged’ my life has been (yes – Angela was right). I already work from home and have for years. My partner does the same (though he’s been on a sabbatical for almost a year). In addition to our work life not changing, other areas that were mostly unchanged included:
Large Gatherings
The first thing to close in Seattle was large gatherings, which luckily for me haven’t been a part of my life for some time. I don’t like crowds, so concerts and festivals haven’t been prominent in my life and I haven’t been missing them since when I did go I didn’t enjoy them. I prefer to hear artists clearly through big headphones at home where I can get lost in the music instead of being jostled in a mosh pit while my ears pound and warm beer is spilled down my back.
Restaurants & Bars
Since moving from Manhattan, teaching myself to cook and discovering the wonder of our sous vide machine, my restaurant spending has been plummeting over the years. I usually go to a restaurant one or two times a month to meet friends, but otherwise avoid them because I can make the same delicious food at home and enjoy it on my comfy couch without interacting with other humans 😉 .
Similarly for bars, my time of late night revelry basically ended when I left Manhattan (and my 20s…). I switched to hosting parties at my house. Even when supplying people with booze and snacks, the total cost comes out to less than what I have spent on Manhattan cocktails in one night previously. So, despite Seattle closing all bars and restaurants over a month ago, I haven’t felt anything missing from my life. Strange times.
Virtual Hangouts
By necessity, all hangouts have moved online. For me personally that wasn’t a large change – a lot of my friends and family don’t live in Seattle and I have standing virtual hangouts with them and have for years. For example, my college roommate and I have video chatted every week for almost 4 years now.
When I become a nomad later this year (fingers crossed), I was planning to increase the frequency of these virtual hangouts since we will often be traveling to places where we know less people than we do in Seattle. Quarantine has let me do a nice prequel to this life and I must admit I am loving it!
I’ve been having at least one video chat a day with friends and family for a few weeks now and it really fits my lifestyle. Instead of cleaning the apartment or having to make myself presentable, get on a bus or walk for an hour and then have a hangout, it’s done all efficiently from my computer. While I am excited to be able to see my friends in real life again, it’s nice to know that virtual hangouts can be fulfilling and take a lot less of my energy (my #sluglife is showing…).
Feeling Bad About Enjoying Solitude
Overall, my hardcore introversion has been helping me get through (and at times even enjoy) this weird temporary quarantine-filled world we’re living in. I know and understand that this isn’t the case for everyone, but I feel grateful it is for me.
I was actually talking to my partner about incorporating a voluntary isolation week every month in retirement, because I think it would help me find more balance in my life. With my countdown to quitting my job and becoming a nomad in September, I have felt pressure for months to see all the people and do all the things!
When I was forced by this quarantine to stop and reflect, I realized that doing all the things was weighing me down. I was overextending myself between my friends, kicking ass at my job, writing this blog and maintaining my relationship. I was really tired and this time is helping me get back to equilibrium.
Looking Forward
So one personal silver lining of these wild times is realizing that I need to listen to myself more. It’s possible doing so would eliminate the need to lie face down all weekend to recover from a work and friend filled week…or maybe not having a job will do that on its own 😉 .
How are you fairing during this time of self-isolation? Are you an introvert, extrovert, ambivert etc and how has that affected you during this time?
Week 8 is priceless – “how am I still tired when I sleep so much now?! Ugh – lying face down feels soooo goooooood….”.
On a personal level, I used to think I’m an introvert but now I’m thinking I could be an ambivert. God, this is so confusing. I need to know what I am haha.
If you’re questioning it you may indeed be an ambivert. I have never question-ed my introvert-ness lol. It’s very obvious after I see other people (even ones I WANT to see lol) 🙂 .
Last time I took the myers-briggs assessment (https://www.mbtionline.com/) it placed me just barely on the side of introversion. The first time I took it I was more severely introverted. Things change, and I think how much of this particular trait you display changes as well. We’re now finding that gene expression is linked and regulated to other factors, so this makes sense from a biological perspective.
Things definitely do change. When I took that test in middle school I was right on the line on introvert, but I suspect I have moved MUCH deeper towards the introvert extreme as I’ve gotten older 🙂 .
Hi Purple,
Boy, I would not have guessed you’re an introvert based on the general vibe you put out. Yay our team – lol! I too am an introvert and when people ask how I’m holding up under these strange times my answer is similar to yours: “My life isn’t too different now from how I’ve always preferred living it.”
I will be retiring end of April and the quarantine has been a weird trial run to “real” retirement, i.e., even though I don’t have to go anywhere I have to keep a certain structure to my days to feel best.
Despite the fact that I mostly haven’t missed what’s been removed from society recently, I’ve been surprised by what I have missed: jostling against strangers when out in a crowded restaurant, an impulsive hug to someone, a deep breath in public without thinking about it. These strange days brought me to a realization of something baked into our DNA: introvert or extrovert, we’re social beings, and most of us feel best when we can be in society freely. So though I like being alone, I’ve missed being able to be around my human tribe without fear.
Hi Kathleen – Haha we come in all shapes and sizes 😉 . Go team! And congratulations on retiring!!! That’s so incredibly soon! I can definitely see how this is a trial run and it’s awesome you’re using it that way.
And thank you for writing about what you’ve missed – you made me reflect with that and I agree with you about the hugs and deep breaths. I definitely took that for granted. I think I’ll definitely appreciate hugs a lot more after this. And this is the perfect explanation: “So though I like being alone, I’ve missed being able to be around my human tribe without fear.” Thank you for sharing!
I’m an introverted extrovert. I recharge my batteries by being around people and getting hugs. I’m perfectly fine left to my own devices for a while. Week 1 was great for me. I worked from home, chilled after work, got to see my boyfriend and didn’t feel any obligation to do anything. Them week 2 my bf went into isolation and my mental health has gone steadily downhill from lack of in person socializing. A little break is fine. 5+ weeks? BRUTAL (especially as I live alone)
That is a very good point. Despite being isolated I’ve still lived with my partner this whole time. If I was actually without any human interaction I can see myself not coping well. Hang in there lady!
Same, I’ve been in quarantine for 5 weeks now, and still loving it!
The best thing for me had been getting rid of the FOMO. Living in a town that has great activities going on every weekend, I felt sad if I missed out on any of them, but sometimes I also just wanted to stay home and veg! Now I can not feel guilty about staying in!
It’s also having the added benefit of making my employers realize that working from home can work. They used to be very anti-working at home, as they didn’t trust people to be productive, but I’m hoping this might shift their mindset and they’ll be more open to it in the future.
I do feel for people that have no outside space though. I know I would be much less happy if I was stuck in an apartment with no way to take a break outside!
That’s awesome! I hear you on the FOMO – I felt that constantly in NYC (“You’re paying how much for rent?! You should be out exploring the city and making the most of it instead of eating peanut butter on the couch!”) The lack of guilt is amazing and why I think I need some isolation into my normal monthly rhythm.
And YES that is definitely a silver lining – employers not being able say “this job can’t be done from home.” I keep a list of how this wild time will (hopefully) change the world for the better in some ways and that’s one of them.
We don’t have outside space and live in the middle of a city, but we are allowed to go on walks and I’m very grateful for that. I love my apartment, but if that was paired with literally not being allowed to leave the house I’d go a little coo-coo. Glad you’re enjoying the outdoors!
I miss seeing people for sure, I get excited with our little walks around neighborhood because I might see some people. I thought I’m an introvert (guess not so much).. There are moments when I don’t enjoy it, but it does pass 🙂
“This too shall pass.” So true. As my random hills of thoughts throughout these 2 months show – this change and emotions change. That’s awesome you get excited for walks. I used to look forward to them, but now the thought makes me anxious since I pair leaving my house with possibly putting someone else in danger. I need to work on that balance. Have fun on your walk!
The quarantine life meme is spot on for me too. I miss going out and about, though. Staying home all day is a drag for me. I enjoy being outside a bit more. I usually go bike riding with my son in the afternoon so we get out a little.
On the other hand, my wife loves being at home. She hasn’t left for 3 weeks and she has no complaint at all. She’s even more of an introvert than I am.
I’m sorry it’s a drag! The freedom to go outside without protective gear and fear is one I miss despite loving the sluglife usually. Glad you’re still getting your bike rides in a little! And haha sounds like your wife and I have that in common. 3 weeks is impressive. I haven’t gone that long without leaving our apartment, but I think my record for not leaving a house is 2 weeks. I didn’t even notice (oops).
I’m pretty much the same except for the added benefit of getting paid witH little to do. I think I’m a combo. My LDR forced us to make a choice- shelter together or completely alone separated for who knew how long? We chose together and having one other person is enough for me. I miss friends but the video hangouts that I used to hate have honestly been almost as good. Alone I would have missed my freedom, but to be honest, this came at a time when I was really burned out and wanting a break. I feel kinda bad in a karma sense now because well… be careful what you long for.
Like you, too much activity and I go in to a mole hole for a day or two, but there are differing levels of discomfort depending on type of interaction. Close friends are a low level, however give me a political and gossip charged work event and I will need to go hyperventilate in a corner ever y hour or so to survive….
Oooh – the DREAM! I would love to get paid to do little lol. Why did you used to hate video hangouts? (I’m just curious – I prefer them usually, but people seem to get offended if I offer and we’re in the same city lol). Aligning stay-at-home orders with a time you feel burnt out is quite fortuitous 😉 . I’m with you on the work events and the like – yuck! I’ve started just declining them and it’s been glorious.
things are about the same for me. i’m kind of a recluse anyhow but i do enjoy people coming to the house. i’m really not thrilled with going out in public and being able to choose whom to be around. i’m really selective about the company i keep.
good for you for enjoying it. it reminds me of shift work back in the day when i would finally see my pals and doubly appreciate that.
All fairs points. I’m getting more and more selective about the company I keep and life is just improving as a result. I like the comparison to shift work – I wonder what it will feel like to hang with my pals again…maybe I won’t like it when it’s finally allowed 😉 .
You mentioned becoming a nomad. How, exactly, are you planning on accomplishing that? Are you talking about travel and short term accommodations? Are you planning joining the full-time RV community (that’s what we’ve been doing for the last 13 years)?
We’re giving up our long term lease and moving around the country/globe every 1-3 months as travel advisories permit. Our current plans involved AirBnB, but we shall see what the future of the short-term rental market holds. That’s cool about your FT RV community.
Yea, it’s been great for us. We’ve been to 49 of the 50 states in the rig (had to fly to Hawaii). We’ve also done some of Mexico and over half of Canada!
That sounds amazing!!
We are only on the 6th week so we’re a couple of weeks behind you. Things are a little bit different for us because both kids are at home 24/7. We are learning to deal with the different tantrums. 🙂
Yeeeah I can only imagine – if there was anyone else in this house besides me and my partner I know my experience would be wildly different. I’m sorry you’re dealing with different tantrums. Hang in there.
Hello from week six in the U.K.
We also are going omg why are we so tired 😴 And sleeping so much
Lockdown is super weird
Stay safe
Glad to hear you are coping pretty well so far
Hi! Sounds like the weird sleep paradox is a global phenomenon ugh. Maybe I was always tired and now I’m just getting up to speed on the sleep debt? No idea lol. Lockdown is indeed weird. I hope you’re staying safe and are coping well.
I’m in the same boat as you, 100% introvert and feeling guilty about enjoying the quarantine, but weirdly miss some human interaction. I like to change it up by putting on big boy pants sometimes (instead of sweatpants).
Anyways, I’m in Seattle as well, I heard you on ChooseFI and had to check out the blog. Great stuff! Glad you’re sticking to the plan, keep it up!
I hear you. I don’t miss crowds, but I do miss my Mom specifically. I can’t remember the last time it’s been this many months since I’ve seen her (and obviously don’t know when I will again). That’s not ideal.
I can’t agree with you on putting on big boy pants lol. I’m trying very hard for society to accept my pj pants as ‘real’ pants with…mixed results 😉 . Hi fellow Seattle-person! I’m glad you liked the podcast – we’ll see what happens 🙂 .
Introvert-squared here 😉
I’ve worked for years solo without seeing a single person all day and been perfectly happy doing so.
Haha sounds like we’ve trained for this our whole lives then 😉 . It’s our time to shine!…or…to stay in and not lose our minds I guess 🙂 .
Great post, Purple! Just moved to the other side of state and was looking forward to so much needed solitude, but… Like you, I’m a social introvert, so my life, in essence, hasn’t changed much except for the clean air, zillions of non-peopled acres and whatnot. Like you reading lots of great books (and blogging about them). Tons of navel-gazing and daily work as a “quasi-farmer”.
As you know, fishing in WA is shut down So is kayaking, so I’m dealing. Took Ms. Fate on a sublime and deserted downtown photo Safari yesterday where she claimed to get amazing shots, but we were both excited to check out all the killer eateries about us.
Thank you! Congrats on your move! Sounds like a nice idyllic life you got over there 🙂 . A photo safari sounds so fun!! Maybe I should re-brand my walks as that so my partner stops complaining about me taking pictures haha. I too am excited for eateries in the future. Hang in there.
Extroverted introvert here. I live alone, am single, and usually prefer to stay home (unless I’m traveling). I’ve been in the office every day until 11 days ago, so not a lot has changed until the past week and a half. I just worked consecutive days at home yesterday and today, and I’m ready to go into the office tomorrow, though I doubt there’s much more for me to do there than here, and it means I’ll be driving almost 2 hours tomorrow for no reason other than to check in with my boss.
I do feel for the families and couples out there who are learning they hate their families (I kid, kinda) It can’t be easy to be a full time employee and a full-time parent and a full-time teacher, all at the same time. It’s hard enough just maintaining the full-time job right now.
Hi Josh! I hope your office visit was short (2 hours of driving for a check in is silly ugh – silly boss). And LOL I actually agree with that (learning they hate their families) – it’s like how the divorce rate spikes after retirement and people realize they don’t actually want to spend more time with their family eeek. Good to find out sooner rather than later I guess? I can’t even imagine being an employee/parent/teacher right now. Barely keeping myself fed lol.
Also an introvert who lives with their partner and no kids. I’ve been really enjoying the quarantine lifestyle. A little too much. My only complaint is that I live in a tiny and drafty 1 bedroom apartment without much sunlight. Just a little bit more sunlight and more insulation and I’m all set!
Haven’t left my apartment building in 4 weeks and totally ok with it….
Hi! I’m glad you’ve been enjoying it…even too much 😉 . Any chance you can add to the insulation? Not sure what can be done about the sunlight (mirrors a la The Mummy 😉 ?). I’m lucky that I love our apartment overall – lots of light (which I’ve discovered directly affects my mood) and nice views. And 4 weeks?! That’s the longest I’ve heard – you’re an amazing beast!
Definitely an introvert, although I don’t think I could get through these weeks at home without my pets. Walking my dog gives me a good excuse to get outside at least a couple of times a day. There are lots of places to walk without bumping into other people here.
Working from home is new to me though, and I’m still as productive as before. It is nice to take a little nap when I need one. I’m afraid I may never want to go back to ‘normal’. Only 6.5 months to go….not that I’m counting down.
That’s awesome walking the dog is helping you out (and that there are places to walk without people)! Amazing you’re as productive as before. When I switched from the office to working from home my productivity increased, but it’s gone down again with this wild world we live in. I can’t seem to get myself to pretend to care about making giant corporations more money for their mediocre products right now 🙂 .
Love that you take naps – I should really try to incorporate that. The ‘always available’ nature of client service work seems to have seeped into my brain and made me think that the second I nap that’s when the client will try to call me about something ‘urgent’. And totally don’t go back to normal! You’ve proven you can do your work from home. No need to change that in my mind. And woohoo 6.5 months – that’s not long at all!
I think I’m an ambivert… for me the biggest change has been the working out outside the home for my community and socialization and doing whatever “work” I’m doing from inside the home, by myself, without distractions. Now I work out alone, and “work” with people so I had some outbursts the first few weeks though I’d like to think I’ve settled into my new normal.
Haha – loving the quotes around “work” 😉 . That’s awesome you’ve settled into a new normal and figured out a new routine it sounds like!
I’m still going to the office, but most of my co-workers are working from home. One would think my introverted self would be great with this, but I’m just feeling drained by this whole lockdown thing.
Also, here’s another request (I think I’ve made this request before) for you to add Colorado to your nomadic itinerary, if for no other reason than for all of us to see other real people.
I’m sorry the lockdown is draining you. The uncertainty of the world and the loss of fear-free walking around is draining me. I hope it gets less draining for you. Let me know if I can help as a WFH veteran.
Colorado is indeed on my list! It’s surprisingly one of the few more populated states I’ve never been to.
I am an introvert 75% of the time. I am content spending 2 or 3 weekends staying home ( with spouse and kids). However by the 4th weekend I really really need to go out and see my see friends!
Same at work.. Meeting-filled days drain me. I can go days without a long conversation and am perfectly fine. However at one point I start missing people and even meetings.
That is very fair. I’m all about balance – I may enjoy lying face down for a few weekends, but then enjoy some human interaction 🙂 . I am WITH you on meeting-filled days – though I don’t mind them as much since I started working from home 3.5 years ago. No making my face look pleasant (lol) or rushing between meeting rooms or having to pretend to pay attention 😉 . And you start missing MEETINGS or the people you talk to in those meetings? Curious because I’ve never heard of someone missing meetings before. Either way, you do you!
We’re in about week 5 of iso in Melbourne, Australia.
I’m LOVING it. I’ feel like I’ve been training for this my whole life (and so have my dogs!)
Two weeks ago we started teaching from home, so that sucks up 3 days a week. But on the other days? Sweet, sweet peace and quiet.
I don’t understand how anyone with an internet connection, books, tv or animals could ever be bored. There’s so much to do!
At the moment schools in my state are expected to be closed for all of term 2 (till the end of June.) I’m hoping it stays that way – even longer would be fine. I optimistically brought home our term 3 novel that the year 7s will be doing…
Awesome to hear you’re thriving during this time!! I’m with you on feeling like you’ve trained your whole life for this haha. I’ve overall been enjoying the act of being at home – it’s all the other stuff that’s weird (uncertainty over the future/inability to plan, fear of going outside even for a mental health walk or to the grocery store with a mask/gloves for food etc).
My partner always claimed he wanted to live in a cabin in the woods alone for months WITHOUT internet. Here’s his trial run! (I hope she’s going to end up coming to my side aka I want internet if I’m isolated in the woods for months). I’m glad you’re well!
I thought I was pretty outgoing until lockdown. In the UK we have this thing on a Thursday were we all stand on our doorsteps and clap for 2 minutes in support of the NHS and Key Workers. I’m OK with that, but in my street this has developed into a 2 hour socially distanced street party. I do my 2 minute clap and I’m back indoors. Don’t care what the neighbours think, I ain’t joining in 🙂 Don’t want to make small talk at a 2 metre distance !
I could kill for a pint down the pub though !
Interesting! I haven’t heard self-discovery going in this direction before (learning you’re more introverted than you thought). I would do the same thing lol – I might have even tried to pretend I wasn’t home for the hangout even though people would know it’s a lie haha 🙂 . As for the pub, have you tried a virtual happy hour or a social distanced happy hour with your friends (instead of neighbors)? I know it’s not the same, but I’ve enjoyed the virtual version.
Haha, reading this is was all “yes, thatshe me, too”, except I’m an extrovert. I just hate bars, concerts, and being surrounded by too many stupid people. Not much has changed in my life except for the kids are at home, and I decontamination when I get back from the grocery store. Husband is home because he was laid off (works at a hotel) . We live below our means and have a hefay efund so my salary is more than enough. Now if we could just get virtual day care…
That’s awesome you are coping so well while being an extrovert! I’m sorry your husband was laid off. It’s awesome you made that emergency fund. And I haven’t heard of virtual day care! That’s a cool idea.
If only virtual day care was real. Ugh. I have had it with my 4 year old both wanting to ride his scooter and NOT wanting to ride it. At the same time. It’s so simple, just 2 things, why can’t we just give it to him? Luckily my husband is at home now so he can nominally watch the kids. It has been going…well…they arent dead, yet. So there’s that.
Yeah so simple lol. I feel like “they aren’t dead, yet” is a great bar to strive for 😉 .
You had me at “John Mulaney.” Ha ha! I’m in love with him.
My husband made comments the other day that sound very much like your blogpost. Besides me being home from work, we are still cooking for ourselves, seeing friends over the fence, not traveling much, and homebodies as always. However, my husband works at an entertainment venue. He is used to being at large gatherings as a MAN IN THE BOX by himself up at the top. Now? He is tightening the bolts on every chair in a 1400 chair auditorium. At 10 minutes a chair, that’s 60 days of work? We’re not sure what will happen to his job if this goes into the fall. Luckily, we are trained to live on pretty much one income. It will be hard, but we’ll figure it out. Anyhow, glad to hear you are in decent spirits through all this! I love Seattle and hope it bounces back strong.
Haha yeah he’s awesome. That’s great your life is mostly unchanged. Us homebodies have been training for this our whole lives 😉 . I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s job. That’s great y’all are prepared to basically live on one income if needed. You’ll definitely figure it out 🙂 . Seattle will be totally fine 🙂 . I’ve been really impressed with how they’ve handled all of this.