Something strange has happened. I was reading through my previous posts to see to help reminisce about the year and what I’ve accomplished and I read my post about “Frugality and Weight Management” and how it seemed they went hand in hand. I started laughing while reading it because I felt so differently now.
At my new job frugality and weight management are directly opposed. They provide a lot of food and snacks at this new job. And a lot of alcohol. None of which are especially healthy except the fruit that’s usually present. Otherwise it’s beer, liquor, bagels, bread, peanut butter, chips and candy. I’ve found myself eating a fair amount of these items because they are either convenient and/or delicious with their excess of carbs, fat and sugar. We even moved seats in the building and instead of our closest snack being the fruit bowls I am parked directly in front of the chips, candy and liquor. It started taking a tole on my waistline.
My less than ideal eating habits were exacerbated by the fact that we recently moved to a new city with new delicacies, foods and even beers and drinks that I had never seen or heard of before. And I wanted to try everything. So I did. I haven’t really been counting calories in a while and before we moved from NYC decided to loosen the caloric and financial purse strings to enjoy living in a place for the last time and eat everything it had to offer.
But something has changed. After being generally uncomfortable in my clothes for months and not thrilled with my weight the scale (as it were) has shifted. I acknowledged before this point that my values were opposed to my losing weight. I wanted to try new things and meet new people – which always seemed to involve eating and drinking. I wanted to fit better in my clothes, but I also wanted those new experiences. So I chose those new experiences.
And I’ve been reflecting about how actions truly do show priorities in all things: weight management, finances, family etc. If you want something, truly want something you will have it. I simply didn’t want to lose weight enough to lose those experiences. But now I do. I believe it was a combination of trying all the new things, places, foods and drinks that I wanted and even seeing some gluttonous and semi-alcoholic tendencies within myself that I didn’t like that finally shifted my weight loss priority to the top.
So here I am. I challenged myself not to buy alcohol for the home this month and so far I have succeeded. I am confident that I will successfully beat the challenge. I’m trying to not have alcohol be my solution to feeling stressed or awkward or bored. And so far it’s been suspiciously easy…My first sip of alcohol in a week was at a birthday party. Someone gave me a beer. It took me 30 minutes to finish it. I didn’t get any kind of buzz and I didn’t feel the internal pressure to have another like I always do.
I’m suspicious because I’ve tried to drink less many times before and have been wholly unsuccessful. But this time it’s been easy. And I have no idea why, but I am grateful and hoping it continues that way. This ease of change hasn’t just happened with alcohol, but food as well. Previously if I had an inkling in my stomach that it wasn’t as full as it had been or I may be hungry even some time in the future I would eat. And usually completely unhealthy foods. I would try to temper them with green veggies and usually would, but would eat so much of it that it wouldn’t matter too much. What sparked this post is that I have over 600 calories left that I could eat and my stomach has a slightly empty feeling, but there’s nothing I want to eat. This could also be part of me keeping a slightly sparse household so that I would use the food I already have, but I tried eating fun food in the form of wheat thins I took from my partner and I was still uninterested.
My obsession with food and drink has become a completely different relationship. One where I almost view food as fuel instead of pleasure. I find this change fascinating and hope it continues and I can find its origin.