I’m Lucky: I’ve Always Been This Way

When I read about the paths of other financial independence seekers I’ve noticed something about myself. I’ve always been this way. When others were looking to fill their lives with things I’ve mostly always loved hoarding my money. When I was young – maybe 7 – I was even a bank to my step-siblings. I’d lend them money and collect repayments. One of them still owes me $50. With interest :). I doubt I’ll ever see it though. Such is the life of a bank of a 7 year old.

I’ve never liked a lot of things besides books. And once the internet became commonplace I didn’t need as many books. I now have an unlimited supply digitally available from the library or on blogs or in unpublished stories authors share for free. I’ve never liked a lot of the activities my peers have: concerts, expensive clothes or jewelry etc. I’ve always thought jewelry and make up and lots of hair products were a waste of money. A lot of this comes from my Mom: she believes the same thing and I learned from example.

In high school my Mom would give me $20 every time I went to a friend’s house. I never spent it. Instead I kept the money and quickly accumulated several hundred dollars. Which I still kept. My friends and I usually weren’t going out and buying things. We’d stay home or walk through the forest or go to the pool or hang out. All free activities that we preferred more than spending money.

In college my Mom gave me a stipend to live on. I saved almost all of it. Every year she’d ask if I needed more money and I’d tell her how much I had left (about 90%) and she’d accuse me of not living and being a miser (surprising coming from her), but I was content. I went out to eat with friends when I wanted to and I had some of the best times of my life. More examples that good times don’t have to cost a lot of money (besides tuition…yikes).

After college is where things get interesting. Originally I moved to NYC and was helping my boyfriend get on his feet all on my entry level salary. We were very broke and acted like it (though I didn’t notice at the time – maybe the college lifestyle helped). We ate rice with butter and soy sauce as well as spaghetti on the ‘fancier nights.’ We never went out to eat. I remember the first time we did: it was a full 6 months after I moved to NYC and it was only because my Mom gave us a gift card for our anniversary. I still remember the restaurant and what we ate though it was 5 years ago. It was special.

Then we both got jobs and raises and the explosion of spending started. We also moved into a much cheaper (and crappier) apartment and I seemed to be trying to make up for the extra rent money I had each month by throwing it out the window. I looked around NYC and listened to people and apparently I had it all wrong: things make you happier. Bags and shoes and restaurants and hanging out in bars. So I tried it. I tried it all. I bought bags that I still don’t use, shoes I never wanted to walk in, went to restaurants several nights a week and ate lunch out. I went to bars until my friends were known to the bartenders. And I was actually less happy.

So when I discovered FIRE and decided to get my spending under control it was not very difficult for me. I have always valued experiences over things. I tried the dark side and became less happy. Pursuing FIRE had the additional benefit of giving me the power to say no. Previously when someone would ask me to do something I didn’t want to do I’d think “well – I value experiences, but it’s expensive and I don’t want to do it…so I should!”…correct premise, wrong conclusion.

Now when I don’t value what’s being offered as much as the money it costs I simply say no. If I’m not hungry when everyone else wants to go to an expensive restaurant I order a cocktail (still expensive, but not a meal). If someone wants to go see a comedian I enjoy, but the tickets are hundreds of dollars I can spend flying to see my family for a week while watching the comedian on Netflix I decline. And I’m happier for it. I’m voting with my dollar and doing everything I value. So while my journey has been a little bit of a roller coaster, becoming frugal was not that difficult for me and I feel very lucky that I seem to be wired this way.