The human brain is insane. I’m talking specifically about mine. We come to expect what’s happening now to happen forever. This is part of the irrational exuberance that creates bubbles and crashes in the stock market. It’s our nature and it’s hard to reign in. I caught my brain in the same trap recently. We recently received our Q3 bonuses. As I’ve mentioned before part of my compensation is a guaranteed target bonus that everyone receives unless they’re on a performance improvement plan. The rest of the bonus is discretionary and based on performance. I call this the “stretch bonus.”
I don’t bank on these stretch bonuses. I don’t include them in my savings projection or my automated paycheck income in YNAB. I don’t assume I will receive anything. So understandably I yelled at my brain when I DID receive part of my stretch bonus…but less than I have previously. WHAT?! HOW can I be mad at free money? Especially when I’m constantly wondering if I provide enough value to my company to even account for my salary let alone more (Spoiler: I do, but it feels weird to get paid a lot to work from your couch in your pjs. It’s been a year and I’m still not used to it. It feels like I’m cheating somehow).
Somehow my brain totally skipped over the appropriate reaction of “oh a little free money and they think I’m going above and beyond at work in some way” to “That’s it?!” Idiotic. In my jobs I’ve always busted my ass and gone above and beyond and never really gotten any recognition or monetary compensation. Now I feel like I have the chillest job ever: without a commute, time to look presentable or a day full of useless meetings I feel like I do less work in a day or there is less work to do when really the number of productive hours are the same, without the bullshit. I have all that and then I receive a little extra money and I’m not happy with that?! Stupid brain.
Let’s try to combat these irrational feeling with some cold, hard math. While looking into why I would possibly be upset by good fortune I looked into the percent of the stretch bonus that I received each quarter and why that might be:
Q4: No stretch or target bonus because employees are not eligible for them until they’re there 3 months
Q1: 1/2 stretch bonus of $625 I suspect because I took over the company’s social media
Q2: 3/4 stretch bonus of $937.50 I assume because I single-handed saved the company from being fired by one client
Q3: 1/5 stretch bonus of $250 I suspect because of internal initiatives still though not sure why Q1 would be a lot more if that’s the case. Still: it’s something!
Analyzing the numbers just shows me that how much of the bonus I receive doesn’t seem that logical: at least to me. But I need to see it as exactly that: EXTRA. Anything additional I receive is just gravy. Come on stupid brain!