I’m currently in Mexico celebrating turning 30 years old. I’m sitting here watching the sun set against an orange and purple sky while listening to the lapping of the ocean waves. During this week of relaxation I’ve found myself thinking back to who I was 10 years ago, at age 20, and how so much has changed in the last decade.
10 years ago I was a junior in college and finally hitting my stride – I had a nice housing assignment with close friends in my hall and a workload that was manageable, but I also had one thorn in my side. I had heard from my recently graduated friends that despite having awesome grades and impressive connections they were having a very hard time finding jobs after college.
This knowledge struck fear into my heart because I had neither of those things – I didn’t have the best grades because my Mom told me to enjoy myself in college and I did. I was also basically allergic to the thought of “networking.” So almost two years before graduation, I started reaching out to every alum who had anything to do with marketing to pick their brains about the industry and how to break into it.
A decade ago I was obsessed with finding a job so that I could support myself and not be relegated back to my parents’ house as a ‘failure’ (my unfair thought at the time – doing that is in no way a failure). On top of my school work, extracurriculars and time with friends, I made it my main job to actually find one. And exactly ten years later, I’m focused on leaving the corporate world as fast as possible without sacrificing my current happiness.
I’m writing this while sitting in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico staring at the beauty of nature. The landscape looks like it’s straight out of Jurassic Park with lush jungles teeming with life. The water is some of the lightest blue I’ve ever seen. I’m writing this while feeling strangely calm despite my plan to upend my life in less than a year.
A Strange Juxtaposition
I’m surprised with how stark of a contrast there is between my current mindset and where I was 10 years ago. I was so worried about finding a job – any job, not even one I didn’t hate (that wasn’t even a consideration). I was worried about seeming like a failure (you gotta learn not to care what other people think kid). I was scared I wouldn’t be able to provide for myself and in doing so that I would disappoint my family.
I’m shocked with how far I’ve come mentally, emotionally and also financially (hat tip to that initial worry junior year – it appears to have paid off). At that time I had less than $5,000 to my name and now I have almost $400,000 – an amount that would have sounded ludicrous to my 20 year old self.
Here is what I’ve learned during the last 10 years:
Corporate Ambition Is Empty
After getting over the initial hurdle of finding a job in a less than ideal market, I was quickly sucked into corporate culture. I chugged that kool-aid! I was hired at my first company because the CEO was an alum – she actually responded to an email I sent and got me in touch with the HR department at her ad agency when my emails were relegated to the trash bin basically everywhere else.
As a result of that referral I got my first corporate job at a big agency in Manhattan. I saw this powerful woman running a company and having the power to lift others up with her. I decided that I wanted to become a CEO and walk in her footsteps. I wanted to make my prestigious degree “worth it” by doing something “impressive” (what the fuck do these words really mean?!)
After a few years of following other peoples’ paths for success I had a revelation and realized that all this shit that people said would make me happy, was doing everything but. I had listened to others and bought the purses, heels and first class plane tickets. I worked my ass off for a promotion that never came and waited for it all to bring me the happiness I was promised.
In the end I achieved everything I set out to: I got that promotion and then another (by job hopping), I bought everything I wanted and everything I was told I should want and was still just as empty after it all. That’s when I carefully assessed what I wanted and realized it wasn’t this type of life. Corporate deference didn’t mean anything to me. I did not want a defining metric of my importance in this life to be how long people will wait for me on a conference call.
So I turned my back on corporate america providing meaning in my life, and instead started to see it as a means to an end. As a result, I have erected boundaries and become a much more calm and grounded person and, counterintuitively, a better employee. I want my life to be filled with exploring this gorgeous world of ours and not sitting in endless meetings. I want to spend time with people I choose instead of people that are chosen for me by the HR department.
Loved Ones Are Everything
When I was 20 I had a vague idea of how I wanted the rest of my life to play out and the first order of business after finding a job was: Leave The U.S. I wanted to live abroad. I had traveled around the U.S. and Europe at that point and decided that Europe was a better fit for who I was with its pedestrian-first mentality and (seemingly) higher level of empathy for fellow human beings.
To test this lifestyle I lived in Italy for 6 months during the latter half of my junior year. It was a precursor to me moving out of the states ASAP and I expected to be instantly ecstatic with my surroundings and how well the continent fit me. I was shocked with my findings.
I learned that I deeply missed my family, my Mom in particular. And this was before we were very close – we have since become attached at the hip, but the amount I missed her was staggering to me. It felt like a constant pain in my gut that would flare up when I should have been enjoying myself on a spontaneous trip to Rome or Cinque Terre.
This was accompanied by a weird low level stress at all times that took me a while to identify. I originally thought that it was because I was speaking, reading and living in Italian at all times, but that wasn’t it. It was the lack of deep connections around me. I made great, life long friends in Italy that I see to this day, but that distance from the closest people I love was surprisingly unbearable, so I changed my life plan.
I came back to the States and have included proximity to the people I love as a key consideration in all of my decisions since. During my working years, that has required some tough decisions, such as moving further from my Mom to Seattle in order to cut my time to retirement in half so I can spend long, uninterrupted stretches with her sooner. This is still something I’m working on, as seen in this post from a few month ago about prioritizing loved ones, but learning this about myself has helped me pinpoint what actually makes me happy so I can go after it. Having more time with loved ones before it’s too late is my main impetus to retire as early as possible without sacrificing my happiness now.
Conclusion
So now I’m here, less than a year before I quit my corporate job, enjoying uninterrupted time with loved ones and looking towards the future with hope and satisfaction while knowing that I’m working toward the life I want instead of one that’s driven by fear or the expectations of others.
How have you changed in the last 10 years?
Happy Birthday! I had a similar revelation on my 30th birthday. Corporate ambition, if not our own, is really rather empty. Welcome to this great decade of life, where you are armed with perspective and financial freedom. The best is yet to come!
Thanks lady! Interesting you came to similar conclusions on your 30th and well said – with the “if not our own” addition. Very true. And I’m hoping so!!
I was similarly reflecting on life expectations versus the current reality this weekend. My plan was to work for 1 year out of college, save like crazy, and then travel for 5 years.
The big snag in that plan is my partner’s career, for which he needs to stay in the U.S. for at least 5 more years. Luckily, that just means the saving like crazy gets extended for ~10 years, and then I can travel for as long as I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want (i.e. Purple and Mechanic go to Cuba, goodbye boyfriends!)
That’s so interesting. What made you reflect on that this weekend in particular? And that’s a SWEET plan! And ugh here comes love to ruin it 😉 . I do like how your plan is the same and just the timing changed a bit, but is allowing you to travel for the rest of your life instead of 5 years 🙂 . I’m excited to see the “Purple and Mechanic Go To Cuba” episode of Always Sunny 😉 !
No wonder we get along so well… I had the same exact realizations during my semester abroad: I had fun but missed my family and deep connections at a level I did not expect. I’m glad I learned it then because I would have been miserable in the career I had in mind in International Development which would have led me to travel A LOT and for very long period of times.
Still, that was 10 years ago and it was a harsh realization that flipped my life on it’s head. I wanted to help people then and it’s interesting to me that the closer I get to FI, the more this desire to help is coming back in full force simply in ways that are a better fit for me to find happiness in this short life.
I’m so glad you’ve redirected your focus to what makes you happy instead of being driven by fear. I’m also glad you are sharing your lessons along the way to help others like me remember to move away from that fear and keep working towards this life we truly want.
No wonder indeed 🙂 . So interesting to hear you had similar revelations! I was super shocked by it because I didn’t think I needed anyone or anything (“oh you naive lil badass wannabe” I want to tell my past self).
That’s awesome you discovered what you really wanted before choosing that career – bullet dodged! I’m sorry that flipped your life upside down, but am glad you got ahead of it. That’s awesome the desire to help others is coming back in other ways!!!
You are too sweet lady. I’ll keep putting my weird thoughts into the universe 😉 . So happy they can help.
10 years ago I was crushing a case of Busch Light every weekend and sh*t-talking my job. So, nothing’s changed!
Just kidding.. I never would have envisioned ten years ago to be where I am now. I have a completely different view of my life and how I fit into this crazy world. We’re not quite as close to the finish line (actually, the ‘new starting line’), but we’re getting there. Fun stuff.
I laughed out loud at this. Sensational. That’s awesome you’ve come so far in a decade – it seems like most people take longer than that to figure theirselves out. Progress is progress – I love it!
As usual, you’ve figured things out in half the time it took me. I love the reflection on the drive to be successful by other people’s standards and then the shift away from that. That took me a very long time to shake, and I can’t say I’ve fullen buried it.
“As a result, I have erected boundaries and become a much more calm and grounded person and, counterintuitively, a better employee” is exactly what I experienced once I got financially secure with a plan.
Happy 30th , your 31st will be an even bigger milestone.
My Mom has always told me I’m a 100 year old woman in a child’s body so I think that’s why 😉 . Glad you’re figuring out what you want and shifting away from trying to live up to the standards of others. In what ways are you still trying to fully bury it? So happy you’ve experienced similar benefits to getting more financially secure and thank you! I think my 31st birthday/FinCon 2020/My Retirement Party is going to be one for the history books!
networking never did it for me, either. i was probably in a school like yours with lots of well connected types and i wanted nothing to do with being fake nice just for my benefit.
10 years ago i was still tilting at windmills trying to make a jump or two at work. the big change was similar to yours when i realized work was just a place to get money. then you can grow that money. that’s it. all i care about now is having a good home life.
happy birthday. “you bought the ticket, enjoy the ride.” – hunter s. thompson
Ugh – yes. It was the worst 🙂 . I can’t do fake nice. My partner recognized “tilting at windmills” from Don Quixote, but we didn’t know what it meant. Thank you for expanding my horizons as always 😉 . I’m happy you figured out what work could be for you and dropped the unimportant stuff. And thank you! I shall do my best 🙂 .
Great job prioritizing thing things in your life. That’s very mature. Most people still don’t know what they want. Climbing the corporate ladder is a good fit for some personalities, but not for you. Interesting to hear about your experience abroad too.
10 years ago, I was stuck in a cubical farm. Now I’m free! 😉
Happy birthday!
Thank you Joe! So true – I know people are busy, but taking some time to yourself to reflect on what you want has been invaluable to me. And your right – the current form of corporate america definitely doesn’t work for me 🙂 . So happy you’re free!!
You’re figuring all this out so early – I’ll be interested to see what your life looks like I’m 10 or 20 years! That’s a lot of time to make more revelations and adjust course countless times as you already have.
When I was 30 I hadn’t heard the term FI/FIRE, had never traveled internationally (aside from places you can drive to) and just assumed I’d do the corporate ladder thing too. What I found more fun was pursuing jobs that let me learn more and make a bigger impact – even if it meant less responsibility/money. Corporate bureaucracy and endless meetings still make me cringe. 😰
I’m also interested in seeing that 😉 . I’ll be sure to keep y’all updated. I always joke that I don’t know who I’ll be and what I’ll want 5 years from now so I won’t speak for my future self and that definitely applies to 10 and 20 years from now.
That’s awesome you figured out what you enjoyed at jobs and made that work for you. Taking off those golden handcuffs to follow what makes you happier is a hard thing to do. And yes ugh – I’m on vacation and laughing about bureaucracy and meetings now, but by next week I’ll be back in the thick of it. Whatever – only 11 months and change to go 🙂 .
You’re much smarter and wiser than I was at your age!! Happy Birthday and enjoy Mexico. When I moved to Boise, I had similar revelations that you did about my people in LA. Yeah it was sometimes messy, but they were MY people. lol! I wasn’t aware of it so clearly until I moved away.
Haha thank you! The enjoyment is in full swing. I’m full of guac and about to drink a margarita before eating too much dinner AKA living the dream 😉 . Glad you figured out what you needed (your people)! It seems like trying something can be the fastest way to figure out if it is or (in this case) isn’t for you.
I too wanted to become a top executive in my company (CFO in my case) when I first joined and started work. It’s amazing how much that has shifted now and how my goal is the complete opposite! I’ve even had thoughts of going the opposite way and going back to being an analyst (as opposed to a manager right now) as I think that’d be better for my work/life balance!
Haha yeah that ambition seems to hit hard at the beginning when we’re bright eyed and bushy tailed 🙂 . That’s awesome you’ve been thinking about changing your manager status if it will make you happier. I’m having a similar thought now that people are bringing up me managing people…no thank you lol! I’m all about that work/life balance. Let me know what you decide – I’m super curious!
It is funny how much changes in ten years. I just turned 40 this year so having those same reflections. Ten years ago I had just finished my second and finally successful run at school, and started my first full time job since going back to school. I was making peanuts, living in student housing, constantly had credit card and a small amount of student loan debt, and not saving much. Fast forward to today, and I’m saving toward FI, debt free, own my own house (with payments lower than rent where I live) and earn more than I ever have. Sometimes I wish I’d figured out FI earlier, but I’m happy with the way life turned out.
Great post, and great food for thought!
That’s an amazing journey over the last 10 years WOW!! And yeah I’m sure no matter how young people are most wish they had figured out FI earlier, but since we can’t change the past I’m just happy I found it at all 🙂 . So glad you’re happy how life turned out. And I’m pleased you liked the post!
Happy Birthday! I hope Mexico is treating you well. I’m so glad you’ve found happiness and fulfillment in a life outside the box. I look forward to continued inspiration and reflection as you move into a new decade. Cheers.
Thank you! Mexico is treating me quite well (I want to move here asap…) Those are such kind words – I really appreciate you saying that. I’ll keep the reflections coming!
Deep connections and actually living life with other people beyond our nuclear family is what ultimately grounds us to this area. As much as full time travel sounds fun and exciting, I want to close connections that come from seeing the same people regularly. Hard to do when you’re constantly on the move.
And also why I’m doing my best to ignore the part about you cutting your Seattle roots next year.
Yep – after meeting your ‘tribe’ that makes total sense 🙂 . You’ve got good people there. The interesting twist to our plans of full time travel though is that the ‘where’ in the equation (at least for the first year) is completely determined by where our family and friends are – so we’re full time traveling in order to BE with our people – the people we weren’t able to see as much while working.
And oh my goodness are you going to bring this up on every post of mine lol! As I’ve said: being location independent means we can go anywhere…including your den 🙂 . I may be cutting our official Seattle roots, but you better believe we will be back to see you lady!!
I feel like I’m at younger you right now – trying to get a job. It’s been half a year since I quit the marketing agency and my savings have started to dry up, so I’ve started to get a liiiiiitle desperate recently haha (wish I had applied for some places in advance). Job applications have been a total bummer, most I’ve been getting eliminated from the first round (which wasn’t the case when I was fresh out college 😢). Maybe I should reach out to some alums like you did! And yeah, I agree corporate ambition is quite empty – don’t really care about the prestige that comes with it haha, but more about paying the bills and having relationships with other cool people!
Deep breaths lady. No need to get desperate. The past is the past and you’ll know for the future that you’d prefer to apply in advance. I’m sorry job apps have been a bummer and know how tiring it can be to study/prep for interviews just to be cut in round 1. And YES – DEFINITELY reach out to alums. People are always willing to help others – that fact continues to surprise me and hold true across states and countries. Glad you figured out what is important to you. Get after it girl!!
Happy birthday! I often forget how young you are because you are so mature , this is yet another good example.
At 30 I hadn’t heard of FI as a concept, I discovered it (through MrMoney moustache ) 3 years ago at 33.
I’m happy to be on this new path, which in a way feels like going back to my origins/my original values , since as a student I prioritised time with family. I guess I only had a relatively brief hiccup when I started work of buying into the hype (of work for the sake of work and buying things!).
Thank you! And I’m with you – a lot of this self-reflection involved remembering what made me happy before I had a job – or money really and it was never stuff. It seems like starting a job is a common ‘hiccup’ period for a lot of us 🙂 .
Ten years ago, I thought I had something to prove as a woman in engineering. Turns out, I was giving way too much of my mental energy to my career identity. It’s just a job!
I feel you – I’m obviously not in the STEM field, but I used to feel pressure to ‘make it’ as a black woman (usually the only one in my company – sometimes the only POC at all). It’s totally just a job.
I resonate with this comment about having something to prove as a female engineer SO much (I’m also one, and in a leadership position now so it’s amplified by feeling pressure to pave the way to lift up other women and set an example). I still struggle with it today, and am trying to find a balance between being a good feminist and caring “enough” but not so much that it affects my mental health and ability to keep my eye on the prize (FI, obviously). I’m going to check out your blog!
Happy Happy Birthday!
I’m slowly approaching the 40 year milestone and it truly is amazing to look back to see the changes from 20 to 30 to 40! From carefree college student to work-consumed young professional to an itching to live their own life” 40 year old.
Can’t wait to see what life brings you in your 30’s!
Thank you!! And it’s interesting how we change over time 🙂 . I’m happy I’m documenting it to look back on (my memory isn’t the best…). Love the “itching to live their own life” 40 year old stage! And yes let’s see what happens 😉 !
Happy 30th! So cool that you’re so close to your mom. I think it’s so cool that you’re working on such on early retirement. We only have so much time with our loved ones. We always focus so much on what could go wrong but I love that you focus on the positives.
Thank you!! And yeah I got lucky with her 🙂 . “We always focus so much on what could go wrong but I love that you focus on the positives.” – YES! Exactly that!
Happy Birthday awesome human (sorry I’m a little late)! I’ve been loving the reports from Mexico.
I am so excited for you in your thirties! I know you’re all about relaxing, but I think you will tackle some metaphorical monsters and kick butt. BTW – I think you are a networking goddess beast and it’s surprising to hear you didn’t think you were good at it earlier in your life. You’ve really come into your own with a genuine authentic take on yourself and the world.
Thank you so much!! It’s appreciated anytime 🙂 . Haha yes I am all about relaxing, but if this blog proves anything I’m not the best at it 😉 . We’ll see what kind of monsters I can slay this decade! As for being a “networking goddess beast” – I absolutely love that description!! It took me a while to realize networking isn’t trickery – people are generally nice and want to help others and networking is just letting them do that if they feel like it – not tricking them to gain something for yourself (at least how I do it…) You are so kind – THANK YOU!!!
I’m a newbie around your blog, actually found you via Rich & Regular name dropping you on the ChooseFI podcast, but I just wanted to say you are awesome and an inspiration. Furthermore, I LOVE to see women of color killing it and celebrating their successes.
I really related to your depiction of yourself in college just stressed and single-mindedly pursuing employment due to perceived financial pressure- we are the same age, and I constantly think about how i made a lot of major choices half-blind because I’d been taught that corporate success and being able to make a lot of money are the true metrics of success, so it didn’t even occur to me to listen to my heart. I took the first job I was offered because I was basically intoxicated with the idea of making an engineer’s salary at a big name company- didn’t even think about the impact of that decision on the rest of my career/life trajectory and how the industry actually didn’t even really agree with my values.
All this to say, I feel simultaneously disappointed that I didn’t figure this stuff out sooner and relieved to be in a more clear-eyed place today where I can more critically evaluate the actual place work has in my life. Really appreciated this blog post- keep doing awesome work.
Welcome Casey! That’s so cool you found me through that episode. And thank you so much for the kind words!!
Yeah it’s hard (if not impossible) to know what you want right out of college. I think we all make mistakes as a result and seem to rely on what others tell us to do that will make us happy or successful instead of looking within ourselves. That took me years to learn – the same with aligning with values. That’s why I ended up leaving advertising 3 years ago.
Yeah I have regrets about not discovering things earlier, but am also so happy I did way before my life was set or mostly over 🙂 . Glad you appreciate the post! I’ll keep it up 😉 . Thanks so much for stopping by!
Been stalking your blog for a bit, I think this is my 1st time commenting 😉 I did the same thing though it took me nearly 20 years to pull the plug (I walked away a little over 2 years ago). I didn’t discover financial independence until 4ish years ago but took to it quickly as I realized it was the path essentially I had been following even though I would stray off wildly from time to time. I thought the success, the money, the house and everything else was going to bring me contentment and each time I reached that next level, it always felt a bit empty. When I discovered FI and laid out my plan and started hitting milestones, that was the most stoked I felt in years – I felt there was an endgame, I guess, instead of an endless guinea pig wheel. I miss a few ppl I worked with and I sometimes miss the ego boost that corporate America brought me, but I really don’t miss work and am a better person without it.
What amazes me about so many of you young ‘uns is that you have so much self awareness at such a young age. I’m so proud of all of you to call BS on all the BS and do something different and more meaningful with your lives. Cheers! And good luck over the next several months. You got this!
Haha I hope the stalking has been enjoyable. Thank you so much for leaving a comment – they’re my favorite part of blogging! Congratulations on walking away – I hope the last 2 years have been lovely. And oh wow from discovering FI to doing it in 2 years is incredibly impressive! I’d been interested in hearing the ways you strayed wildly if you don’t mind sharing 🙂 .
Having an endgame does indeed change everything. I felt completely different after realizing there was a out and that chasing the next promotion/wealth symbol didn’t have to be my life. I’m glad there aren’t many things you miss about work (and wish I felt that ego boost from corporate america 🙂 – hasn’t happened yet).
Being a yungun I obviously can’t take credit for being able to come to these conclusions so young. Watching my Mom and grandparents retire early and openly talk about money and how to avoid debt gave me a huge mental head start. Thank you!!
Well, there were times I got caught up in the lifestyle inflation and bought a bigger house and a new sort of fancy car when my 10 year old Honda Accord was still running. Oh and that rental condo in a ski town that didn’t earn enough income to “make sense” as an investment! Though I inflated my lifestyle, I still was saving a really high percentage. I always kept my fixed expenses pretty low though I bought into part of the BS. I luckily didn’t really have much of a taste for expensive clothes, manicures or shoes on top of those other choices – not that those are bad things at all if they make you happy. I just “thought” I would be happy and financially responsible lady that I am, the house and the condo were investments in my brain! It’s deeper than that, but probably too much to comment on. I took part in all that magical thinking that oh, once I get this big house, I’ll be all set. I now view my very reasonably sized home, centrally located in a HCOL city as the luxurious expense that it is, pure and simple. It doesn’t earn me income (for now – I got some AirBnB plans in the works) and therefore isn’t an investment. 🙂
I haven’t put a lot of thought into exactly how much more my retirement income stash would be because I don’t find it useful and those lessons were important and I thank my higher power that I was able to make errors, learn, move on and still get to FI.
Very cool that you had so many role models talking about money with you in ways that made you question our cultural norms. I hope with all my heart, those are the lessons I’m instilling in my almost 12 year old.
Oh wow – that’s quite a life! It’s awesome you were still saving a large amount while buying those things. I think that would have been my future if I hadn’t had time to examine my life by having a job that didn’t take all of my free time. I was already dabbling with expensive shoes, purses and travel…it would have been a slippery slope.
And yeah don’t think about what your stash would be in an alternate universe – I don’t think that would be useful either 🙂 . I’m sure you’re doing a great job instilling money lessons into your kid. Living by example is a huge part of it as well and you’re obviously doing a great job at that 🙂 .