My environment has always seemed to affect my mood. For example, I’m generally happier when it’s sunny and the sun is up for a longer portion of the day. I’ve tracked the weather and my mood for weeks and found this pattern to be true (*cough* nerd *cough*).
Conversely, if my partner turns on an overheard florescent light, I hiss like a vampire trying to escape the sun. I like my cozy blankets and warmly lit rooms. So when I started to become unhappy at my first job, I suspected it at least partially had to do with the environment.
After a year, I hated my first job. In the beginning, I was so grateful to get a job offer (just one) after looking and networking and interviewing for years. I had heard from my recent college graduate friends that it was still very difficult to find a job, even 3 years after the Great Recession when I got my diploma. So I did all I could to get a job – any job.
After I started that first job I was in awe. I was living on my own for the first time in a Craigslist apartment (that would soon become an active crime scene😬…) in the ‘greatest city in the world.’ I was taking the NYC subway to work like I had seen on Sex In The City and was able to look out conference room windows at the Hudson River and lower Manhattan (pictured above) like a big shot. I felt on top of the world.
So when I started hating my job, I mentally beat myself up. How dare I?! I had a job while many of my classmates did not. I was making it on my own (though barely), while my friends were living with their parents to save money.
BUT I also had a toxic boss running our account whose bile trickled onto all of us. I was working my ass off and barely able to pay rent for me and my partner in an apartment with a rat, ant, and roach problem…oh and that time we didn’t have heat for one of the coldest Januarys on record😒.
I was internally yelling at myself for not loving my life and being happy with my job because it was everything I had worked towards. After a while, the stress of the position and the toxic environment had an effect on my health. I basically stopped eating and lost 30 lbs in 3 months (not good). I’d come home from work crying until one day my partner and Mom told me that I had to quit because nothing was worth this.
So when I finally agreed it was time to leave, I tried to pinpoint the things I wanted in a new job – things that would make me happy. Obviously a non-toxic boss was my number one concern, but I also decided another reason I was unhappy was because I worked in a cubicle in the middle of a giant floor with no access to a window or natural light…and also because there were no couches or places to relax while working in my office (I’m not as efficient at a desk)…and also because there was fluorescent lighting that made my eyes ache after 12 hours at the office.
I kept thinking that after the toxic boss and long hours those environmental factors must be the problem. Once I fixed those things I will be happy at work – surely. I’ll be one of those people that feel fulfilled by it or (at least) doesn’t mind it. So I got another job without a toxic boss or as long hours…and still wasn’t happy…Then I got another job without a toxic boss or long hours AND with giant windows, natural light, a couch and everything else on my ridiculous ‘perfect work environment’ checklist…and I still felt drained and unfulfilled by work.
I had a theory that once I had these things on my list I would feel as good as those “I love my job” people. And once I eliminated the serious issues of toxic bosses and ridiculous work/life balance I tried to tell myself that my unhappiness was a result of these environmental factors.
Unfortunately it took me years (including 2 years of ignoring my partner and this ‘FIRE’ idea he was pushing…) to realize that there is no amount of throw pillows or warmly lit chandeliers that would make working in corporate america for another 30 years something that brings me joy. To put it bluntly, you can put shit in the prettiest box imaginable…but it’s still shit. A bit of decoration can’t distract from that truth.
I was falling into the trap that the stereotypical Silicon Valley start ups try to use to entice people to join their company and dedicate every second of their life to it – the Googles with napping rooms and crepe bars (which are legit delicious, but don’t tempt me demon!) and the Facebooks with free cafeterias offering a multitude of cuisines.
No amount of fun amenities or pretty packaging could distract me from the actual freedom that just being a part of corporate america hinders. No crepe bar can make having a Pavlovian response to email pings or waking up at 6:30am for conference calls bearable to me once I embraced the alternative. To continue my toilet metaphors: You can’t polish a turd. For me a lovely office environment is just a consolation prize, an unfulfilling stand in for the life I really want: a life outside the cubicle.
Have you ever thought something would make you happy or make work tolerable only to discover you were wrong?
After all, every crepe bar treat turns into a turd that can’t be polished. #realtalk
Not long now until you’re free of that cubicle life!
Now THAT is a great point. I’ll have to save that for the next time toilet metaphors show up on this blog (this may be a first lol!) And you’re totally right – not long now, which means I have to get out all my thoughts related to work frustrations before I’m no longer allowed to talk about it 😉 !
Hi Purple,
Thanks for this post. I am retired as of May 1st, and actually still getting my arms around what my routine will be. Covid-19 has complicated things quite a bit, so I don’t view this as a normal beginning of retirement. But regardless, I love structure and goals in my day and life, and work gave me that. So I miss that from work, but I don’t miss work. Don’t miss the lack of flexibility (my biggest gripe ever), working with *cough* challenging *cough* people, and the double curse of tedium and stress.
So LIFE is a challenge, but I’ll take freedom over my schedule to not, and open myself to this new adventure of creating a life of purpose within a context of freedom!
Your post strikes a chord! After paying off my house (check just went in the mail last week) I am also retiring. I have to finish up with a few clients, and close down my office but I’m already mulling over what comes next!
That’s so awesome – Congratulations!! Let us know what comes next 🙂 .
Hi Michelle and Purple,
I’d love to private message you about this process, if OK to share my email somehow. Michelle if you’re interested, let me know. Purple, please advise if OK with you. Thank you!
Hi Kathleen,
Just to confirm: Are you asking me to share your email address with Michelle so y’all can talk about retirement if Michelle would like to?
Hi Purple,
Yes, that’s it – thank you!
Alrighty – done!
Hi Kathleen,
Congratulations again on retiring! I’m so excited for you even though yes it’s definitely not the beginning of a normal retirement. This is something I haven’t been able to properly articulate – perfectly said: “the double curse of tedium and stress.” Life is indeed a challenge, but I think removing work from it will give more time to be able to tackle it (let me know if I’m right 😉 ). Good luck!
I’ve definitely felt this way about work. First, it was getting rid of a sexist, toxic work environment (that helped A LOT, I can’t imagine why). Then it was finding a more specialized position so I could focus on the kind of work so I liked. And now it’s dealing with another boss who I just don’t get along with. I’ve pretty much made peace with the fact that the corporate world isn’t for me in the long term. It’s a weird place to get to like you said, because you spend so much of your early years working towards that.
It really is strange. I felt like my entire life (middle school, high school, SATs, college, networking, interviewing etc) was leading up to “get a good job” and then I did that and was so unhappy. Le sigh. That’s awesome you’ve moved around and specialized to improve your situation. I’m sorry you don’t get along with your boss – that’s really tough. Is there a way you don’t have to deal directly with them? Or can do so less?
My last job was like this, and was great for the first couple of years. Mini-golf tournaments almost every week in the office, pizza days, ice skating in a world famous rink. Not to mention I actually enjoyed the work and had awesome teammates. However, things changed. The company was bought out, then a buyout of the company’s largest client, and a change of leadership lead to a dramatic change within a two year time frame. Large cuts in staff and increased workload from bringing on additional clients that could not be handled led to all of those perks above vanishing, as well as my own health. I left the company earlier this year (pre-COVID-19) without much of a plan, but just knowing it wasn’t the same place anymore and wanting to get out (luckily we had a decent FU money reserve). I was surprisingly able to find a new job in the middle of our current recession/epidemic, and for more pay. “Lucky” doesn’t even begin to describe it haha! So far so good with the new job. Let’s see how long this one will last 🙂
Aw man I’m sorry. That sounds like a lovely place before the buyout. I’m so glad you got out! And congratulations on finding another gig in this environment! I hope it goes well.
But yep – nothing is constant except change. Even my favorite jobs that I actually enjoyed eventually morphed to become a shadow of their former selves so I left.
“To continue my toilet metaphors: You can’t polish a turd.” Oh my goshhhh yes! Ever since graduating college, I’ve been job hopping searching for cool quirks and fun perks because I thought that would “surely” make me love giving up 40+ hours a week of my life. I have the best job I’ve had from all of them now, and I’m still not happy. This is exactly why I’m on my own fi journey because I don’t think I’ll ever find the absolute perfect job because quite frankly there will always be something that doesn’t go 100% as you wish. I just wish I had known about fi right after college and saved all my money, but almost at 26, it’s definitely better to start now than never!
Hahaha glad that didn’t just make me laugh 🙂 . I’m sorry the perks didn’t make you happy, but I’m with you and a similar situation (getting what I thought was my dream job) is also what led me down the FI path. The perfect job does indeed seem to not exist – even ones that come close for me don’t put food on the table and I need to eat 😉 .
Let go of those FI regrets – you got this! I used to beat myself up for not listening about FIRE for years, but we all get there when we’re ready. Good luck!
Interesting post and I can definitely relate. I’m actually thinking now if remote work would make things more tolerable in the corporate world. I mean if I could be given a choice to travel and work wherever I want, would it make things better?
I will probably be able to answer this question soon enough. Looks like this is the reality that my company is headed towards.
Remote work has definitely helped me to a point, but unfortunately my choice of client service doesn’t allow flexibility in that remote work (e.g. I have to be available 9 to 5 PDT no matter what – usually earlier and later as well). It’s a weird situation. I love that I can work from the couch in my pjs, but hate that I still feel chained to a desk, have to fly on the weekends (when flying was still a thing…) and plan my life around work.
That’s awesome your company is heading towards that! Definitely let me know how it goes.
I’ll be happy at work when I have total autonomy. However, that’s pretty much impossible for any job where you have to work for someone else. You have to be self-employed for that. Even then, you have to give in to customers sometimes.
Anyway, I went through some of the same processes. I changed job, changed boss, changed building, changed specialty. It was still crap so I decided to give ER a try. Why not?
However, I also believe it has a lot to do with personality. Some people can get along with the program much better than I can.
good post.
That is fair! Autonomy was one of my requirements for my dream job that I then got, but then…we got clients (blurg lol). Even self-employed I assume you need the client part to bring in money and that feels more like a chain around my leg than my boss/company personally.
That’s awesome you tried everything out and figured out you still wanted something different! Totally agree with the personality insight. I have some friends who are perfectly content dealing with office politics and endless meetings. I envy them sometimes 😉 . And thank you!
Hi Purple!
First-time commenter here. I had to laugh because I do the same thing about tracking things like the correlation between weather and my mood, and between exercise and my sleep quality, etc. I have the same thing as you about weather affecting my mood. (My two years in Boston made me grumpy with the winter there!)
I also didn’t love my first several jobs and I did all this soul-searching and thought I found my dream job. Unfortunately that meant I had to go to business school to get it (i.e. massive debt). I did that and got this job as my summer internship.. and really didn’t like it. OY. It was so disheartening. Luckily the story ends well because the job I got after business school turned out to be my real dream job- I’ve been there for 11 years and am at FI but love it so much I am still working. We don’t have the perks of Google/Facebook but the work itself is so fulfilling and the people are so fun and feel like family, and I have a lot of flexibility/autonomy.
Congrats on being so close to retirement! I’m excited to follow all your travel adventures!
Welcome! Thank you so much for commenting – they really make my day 🙂 . And yay nerds unite! I’m sorry Boston made you grumpy. Did you move out of there or find ways to cope?
Ugh I’m so sorry you did all that and then didn’t like the job. That sucks. I’m so glad the story ends well though! 11 years and still loving it despite being FI is amazing!!! Sounds like a wonderful situation. And thank you! I’ll keep the updates coming then 😉 .
Thank you for the warm welcome! 🙂 Thankfully I made it out of Boston and have been in San Francisco for 11 years now. Much better weather here. It’s known as an expensive city but I moved here during the Great Recession and got rent control so now I can never leave, haha. Definitely keep it up with the posts, your blog is great! Travel will be a big focus for me once I finally retire so I will be taking lots of notes from your adventures. I get 7 weeks of vacation so I can do some travel while working but won’t have the 2-weeks quarantine flexibility that you’ll have! I love that you have so many scenarios planned out, that’s totally how I would be (maybe nerds love planning?) 🙂
Of course 🙂 . And WOAH rent control in SF – that’s amazing! And will do on the blog – I’ll keep it up. I promised to keep up my weekly posts for at least a year into retirement (hopefully more) so I’m not going anywhere.
7 week sounds lovely! But yeah mandatory quarantines could eat into that fast. In my limited knowledge it does appear that nerds do indeed love planning haha. To Plans A through ZZZ!
I am in this phase of my life exactly. I’ve changed jobs 4 times and will get to 5 shortly. I’ve changed careers once and found that helped a lot. I’m looking to change careers to something more enjoyable after FI
That’s awesome you’ve been trying different things out! I found doing that did help test my theories about what I thought would make me happy. And that’s so exciting you’re changing careers after FI!
seems like you got a little unlucky in career path and your industry is a bit of a pressure cooker. that sucks. i guess i’ve been lucky to not have worked that way too much. i don’t know if it’s age and experience but now i don’t mind what i do for 40 hours. everybody leaves me alone in a nice big lab and that is great. the bathroom is clean too.
i think if it reverted to what i was in the past with bad working hours i would quit and find something else that interests me. i need an activity more than just the money these days. it’s good to save and invest for that.
Unlucky…or lucky lol? I don’t hate anything about my job now, but starting out it was rough. More work for way less pay. I guess that’s what I get for having no ‘hard’ skills 🙂 . Your set up sounds sweet. If I had a do-over in life I might have tried something where I don’t interact with people, but I haven’t come up with anything that pay wells to do that and has no required skills. And lol I’m glad the bathroom is clean!
Boy, did I ever go through this. I went from my first job out of college (the second time through as an adult) to a job that became more and more toxic as the years ticked by. Finally I left for another job, with weekly deadlines instead of daily ones and a more relaxed work pace.
Now because of staffing cuts I’m just about back to where I started. It goes back to what I talked about in an earlier post – productivity punishment means if you are good at your job the work will be piled onto you until your manageable workload becomes a highly stressful workload. Eventually you get burned out and quit, starting at a new place and the cycle begins again.
This is why I’m all for reaching FIRE as soon as reasonably possible. Because even when you set up what might seem like the ideal situation, nothing lasts forever. A good friend of mine who has been putting off FIRE because he had a four-day week and a good workload now is forced to FIRE after massive layoffs. He had the option to FIRE – others aren’t so lucky. In my opinion, the sooner we can severe our dependency on the 9-5, the better. I think your post highlights this perfectly.
DAILY deadlines?! I’m sorry – that sounds awful. Ugh I’m sorry you’re back to where you started. Productivity punishment is indeed real and 100% agree nothing lasts forever. That’s awesome your friend had FIRE to ‘fall back on.’ And thank you 🙂 !
I’m in a similar industry, but in-house for a company, and I even left for a few years to go do the same thing for a local non-profit (which is where I started) because I thought it would be more fulfilling, less about sales, less toxic masculinity. It turns out non-profits can also have terrible politics (even when offices are mostly female) and I was enticed back to my previous job with promises of more focused work and a different boss. It was okay but within 6 months I was burnt out again. I am hanging on but I’m not happy, my boss isn’t really that happy, and I figured out at least part of the problem.
In Marketing, the work is never done, it’s never enough. I should always be creating more content, writing more articles, doing more customer interviews. And my bosses boss is never satisfied because measuring marketing is crap. They try and measure an increase in leads, or increase in new customers but the lead time for those things is 6-18 months and in the mean time they’re always wanting more.
I’ve had days where I’ve thought about trying to get a job as a trash collector or road crew or park maintenance. Something defined where you to the tasks on your list, you drive your route, you empty trash cans at this park on Monday and that’s it.
I know now that I’m not going to find a better Marketing job but I’m not going to make it 4-5 more years here either. The kicker is that my salary is less than 50% my partner’s so even if I quick we’re still able to save a significant amount toward our FIRE plan. I’m hoping to just make it to the end of this year to keep feeding our accounts while the markets are crazy. (We’ve shared finances for 17 years and will be coast fi by then.) Then maybe I take a break for a bit, figure out what comes next.
Oh wow – I had a dream that in-house was better, but it sounds like same shit, different day 🙂 . Good to know – and about non-profits as well. I guess things can be horrible anywhere. Amazing insights on marketing – are you so right. The work is never done, your contributions or a campaign’s contributions to a bottom line either are so far down the line that the can’t be properly attributed to your work OR it just can’t be measured at all, but people still want to pretend it can 🙂 (which is the case in the work I do).
Sounds like you have The Office dream 🙂 . I’ve thought about it too – especially once I looked up how much trash collectors can make it some cities. I love your plan to get out of there soon and explore what can be next. Congratulations on hitting CoastFI so soon!
Woof, you hit the nail on the head here with this one. We’d have a lot less office drones willing to work if they didn’t have the financial motivation to do so.
I was in the same dissatisfied trough with my last job. It was a good salary with a boss who prided himself on his kindness and generosity, but as time went on I got more and more frustrated with that company. For me right now, the best job is the one that pays the most, shortening my runway to FI 😁
Woof indeed 😉 . I would be so curious to know who would keep working if they didn’t need the money – I think the relatively low number of people we see doing that after they FIRE is an interesting hint 🙂 . And haha I like that $ perspective. I’ve taken the opposite approach personally – my job really is the best situations I’ve had (remote, great boss, variety of work, can mostly work alone), but I could definitely be making more elsewhere. I’m picking pjs and a boss that leaves me alone over money currently, but at least I know it 🙂 .
For years I have wondered why I feel so intolerant of the corporate world, while everyone else seems okay with it. I figured there was something wrong with me, that I couldn’t hack the nonsense. I’m still trying to be okay with “it’s just not a good fit”, and not my fault, while I pedal furiously towards FIRE. The CoVid market meltdown has set me back some, but I’m getting there.
Everyone around you seems ok with it? The people around me don’t, but they seem resigned like they have no choice (which I did think myself a few years ago so I get it to a degree). I’m glad you’re getting there!
This is definitely first reason why I’m starting my FIRE journey! I’m a marketing designer, I like what I do and still HATE going to the office and being stuck by other people’s schedules… Hopefully I can be as successful as you in your endeavour 🙂 Thanks for the inspiration
Yeah people and their schedules really do suck the joy out of a lot of things 🙂 . At times I like the essence of my job or aspects of it, but that constant of other people messes with me. I’m glad I’m not alone in that, but hope you can find a way to avoid people and their schedules haha. If you do – let me know 😉 . And thank you! We’ll see if I’m successful, but even worst case scenario I’ll just be having an awesome life change with some more freedom thrown in!
Work is such a funny thing. I feel like everyone I talk to is on a constant hamster wheel with lots of issues that come up.
I think I like work for the reasons that I hated school. Pay, no homework, and a good amount of autonomy and limited meetings. I still get annoyed when I work with a client that’s frustrating but overall it’s pretty good. I do find it interesting that the higher I’ve moved up in my career, the easier the work/day to day has been. Those entry level roles were a pressure cooker.
It is indeed funny and that’s SO interesting. I LOVED school and I hate work for basically the opposite reasons haha. School was straightforward with deadlines that didn’t change and work I could do 99.9% of the time alone. Work is the opposite and I hate the uncertainty and reliance on others and their lack of efficiency and (at times) lack of adherence to schedules. Fascinating. I’m so glad you enjoy your job and that it’s been easier the more you move up. Entry level jobs are rough.
You have captured brilliantly my recent working life and my revulsion for lack of freedom, it started about 22 years ago. About the time I started working. My big problem is I like money and I get sucked in… either that or the bills need to get paid.
Bad attempt at humor aside, you have very eloquently put into words what I have been feeling. I actually left my last job because it was impacting my health.
I’m glad you liked it! Also I loled at “I like money” – me too 🙂 . And the bills do indeed need to be paid. Thank you for saying that! I’m sorry your job was affecting your health, but am so happy to hear you got out of there!
The hype for an AMAZING work situation was built from our parents generation speaking on something they may have thought was better than their situation.
I think the old saying rings extremely true, grass is always greener in someone else’s joint
The hype man struck out! Ha
Interesting! I hadn’t considered that. And I’ve never heard the grass is greener saying end like that, but I love it 🙂 .
I started my first post college job, turned out to be my only post college job, sharing a table with another guy. Not even a desk but a table. But I loved it! Not the crappy furniture but the work. I was very good at it and was continually affirmed and rewarded by a demanding but appreciative boss. Over time I got fancier and fancier furniture, bigger offices and even company cars and big expense accounts. But none of that mattered much, it was the feeling of being appreciated, of having best friends at work (and a big paycheck), that meant the most to me. I wonder if that worked for me because I was a boomer but stopped working for Gen X,Y and millennials? I can’t imagine anyone living my career and not having fun at work, but maybe I just loved it because I came in with low expectations.
Sounds like you picked the right career for you!
Great post and can really relate to it. I’ve found shifting positions and focusing more on some of the niche topics of my expertise in the workplace has really helped with stress and overall enjoyment and satisfaction 🙂
Glad you enjoyed it! And that sound like a cool approach.
Yes and no. I mean, I was right that having an awesome boss who pays me reasonably well and respects me and listens when I believe in something makes a big difference. I was right that getting rid of that one obnoxious coworker would remove a huge thorn in my side. I was right that having a great deal of autonomy would feel good.
But I was also wrong if I thought it’d make me generally appreciate and enjoy the hours my ass is going numb as I crank through piles of work. It didn’t do that. It removed barriers but it didn’t make work not feel like work. It still does and I still vaguely resent having a long haul ahead before I can stop having to work for income. But they are all important pieces of why it’s more of a vague resentment fueling my motivation to save and invest than a flaring fiery need to smokebomb outta here.
So well put!!! And I love the resentment filled drive to save haha and please do throw a fiery smokebomb on your way out!