You know I love a book if I bring it up multiple times on this blog. Well here I am again reflecting on a topic that The Art Of Spending by Morgan Housel made me think more deeply about. Let’s get it into it.
It started from an offhanded comment from my Mom:
Mom: You’re a millionaire and you’re wearing a sweater with a hole in it?!?
Me: It’s called Stealth Wealth mother😜…but seriously, I just really like this sweater and I can’t find it anywhere else🤣!
That interaction made me think more about why I’m fine having more wealth than I ever imagined I would, and also often lovingly, wearing a sweater that has a hole in it – in public. And I think Morgan Housel’s book hit the nail on the head explaining why.
In a chapter titled “The Most Valuable Financial Asset Is Not Needing to Impress Anyone” Housel says “The ability to not need to prove yourself to strangers is priceless. Not needing to impress other people, especially strangers, is an asset on your personal balance sheet that can be more valuable than anything else.” – The Art Of Spending
And I completely agree. I discovered in my 20s that seeking validation from strangers is a losing game. People make assumptions all the time regardless of how you present yourself, what you say or really anything you do. So there’s no point in trying to impress them in those ways.
And I know because I tried it 🙂 . The first year of my career was marked by trying to impress the people around me in the ways that they valued: clothes, shoes, weight loss and expensive travel. I tried all of it and in the end, didn’t receive the promotion I was promised (and deserved). I also realized that when I did earn a small amount of validation from my work colleagues it felt hollow.
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I learned what actually makes me feel fulfilled and as a result, I value what people I care about think about me, not work colleagues or random people I pass on the street. I learned not to care what someone might think if I’m wearing a comfy sweater with a hole in it. I dress appropriately for the setting, but after that my goal is comfort and wearing things that make me smile, not something that might impress other people.
And I love this holey sweater 🙂 . It’s the best one I’ve ever owned and it’s my favorite because of how it’s incredibly soft and has the perfect proportions for my comfort. So when it started to get a hole in it from me wearing it almost everywhere for years, I just kept wearing it and then my mom’s reaction happened, which led me to reflecting on why I’m happy with my choice.
“Warren Buffett once said: ‘The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard.’ He used this example: Would you rather be known as the best investor in the world but in reality be the worst, or be thought of as the world’s worst investor when you were actually the best?” – The Art Of Spending
Preach Warren 🙂 . My comfort and happiness are more important to me than someone making assumptions about me or even my net worth because there’s a hole in my sweater. I don’t feel the need to project my wealth with material things, but instead with buying back my time and having the freedom to do whatever I want.
“There are always two benchmarks to measure yourself against to determine how well you’re doing in life: internal and external. The first is how happy you are with yourself, the other is what other people think of you. It’s astounding to watch how agonizing it can be when someone focuses too much on the external benchmark. And it’s so thrilling to witness someone whose only goal in life is to nail their internal benchmarks.” – The Art Of Spending
I’ve said it before on this blog and I’ll say it again: people will judge you regardless, so you might as well just do what makes you happy. And being comfortable for me always beats putting up a facade for other people to enjoy.
I’m not here to somehow fit into a stereotype of what a millionaire looks like. I’m here because I decided to leave regular assumptions behind and be a bit weird. I retired at 30, I’m a black female millionaire and I love my holey sweater 🙂 .
Love this! I read this book too and thought it was great!!! I’m in the mortgage industry and struggle with my own ego and alllll the other egos in the biz. Slowly but surely I’m learning to be more humble and worry more about that internal bit than the external. Thanks for the share !
Maybe time to start learning about the art of visible mending! A way to prolong the life of your favorite clothing items while turning them into unique pieces of art. This was my compromise when my family members started commenting on my own holey sweaters 😜
Love this, too bad this knowledge seems to have to come with time and experience. But now you are even making the sweaters with your own hands!
1000% !!!! I’m a real estate agent and just yesterday someone commented, while standing by our cars and learning I’d gotten an offer accepted on an expensive home, “now you’ll be able to get a nicer car!” and I was thinking “no, now I’ll be able to retire decades earlier than you…”