The Perfect Job: Still Not Enough

Since I joined the workforce I’ve kept lists of what I enjoy and don’t enjoy in each job I’ve had. From these lists I’ve created the profile of what I thought would be my ideal job in advertising: flexible, constantly challenging with a boss I love and limited human interaction. I now have that job. I have had it for almost a year. And I am still not satisfied. I don’t know what it is about work that makes me analyze my satisfaction with it at every turn. Maybe because the general public seem to think ‘work’ is what you do for 40-50 years of your life. Other parts of life do not last that long: high school, college – all previous steps were 4 years long. Now that 4 has turned into 40.

It might have been that I was less self aware back then, but I never questioned what I needed to do in school to follow the normal trajectory: get good grades, do a lot of activities, get into a good college, graduate and get a good job as a result. Despite me living 21 years of my life (probably 15 sentient) doing what others told me to do I never questioned it or examined my happiness daily as a result of my schooling. It’s fascinating that I did not do that when I was paying for those experiences, but now that I’m actually getting paid for them I examine everything. Logically it should be the other way around.

Though maybe it is the simple fact that before I knew everything would change every 4 years: the teachers, the subjects, the people, the location. Now I do not have that luxury. Everything is decided by me, not a school system or even my parents. In response to getting bored with my surroundings, my work and the people I work with I have quit (or been laid off) from every job I’ve ever had after 1 year. Include my current one – I was planning to quit after just 4 months on the job. Luckily they were able to move me into the position I have now where I have been for another year. And despite it being almost everything I thought I wanted (there’s still too much human interaction for my liking, but it is a very minimal amount) I’m still not content as a result of my job. And I’m starting to believe that even the perfect job is not enough.

Searching for the perfect job equates in my mind to finding the most well decorated prison cell. It’s still a prison. Hopefully this revelation will help me both accept a job for what it is: a source of money and at times mental stimulation and emotional frustration, instead of the determining factor of my happiness. This thought I’m combatting might also be a result of how we view jobs in the United States. We define people by their jobs. “What do you do?” instead of “What do you like to do?” And people reply “I am _____.” “I am a stock broker, I am a doctor, I am a teacher.” Are you? Or do you work on Wall St, work with patients and work with students? I do not want to be defined by my job – especially since the longer I am in advertising the more disgusted I feel with the industry and myself. I do not want to be defined by what I do for money and I think realizing the perfect job, just like the perfect jail cell, does not exist.

In school I counted down the years until I could leave the house. Now I’m counting down the years until I leave the workforce and am beholden to no one and no company. I’m trying not to live for the future and realizing that no job is better than the current one will definitely help me down that path.