I was speaking to a friend of mine the other day, and she told me that she read an article about “How To Do Your Best Work From Home” and her first reaction to the advice was, “FUCK! YOU!” I found this funny, especially coming from this sweet and kindhearted friend who rarely curses.
I understand that people who write articles want to be relevant and (I hope) helpful during this weird time, but it also seems a little strange to me to hear people saying that we should take advantage of our self-isolation to live our best life and write that novel we’ve always meant to and learn a new skill and cure world hunger when there’s literally global pandemic that’s wreaking havoc on our world and has killed a hundred thousand people (and counting). It seems a little tone deaf to me. So to lighten the mood, I would like to add my super helpful(!) article to the pile.
Here’s how to live your best work life in quarantine:
1. Ditch your kids!
You know those people who talk about how kids are “the ultimate gift” and “the only way to find meaning in our hollow, selfish lives”? Well it sounds like they would like more of them! There’s no such thing as too much of a good thing right?
After being around your children 24/7 while trying to work from home, homeschool them and keep everyone alive, you may be in need of a break. And I have a solution!
First, drive to your nearest “children are life’s only purpose” acquaintance with the kids in tow. Then direct your kids out of the car and to the front door to ring the doorbell. Once it opens, peel off while yelling out the car window “NO TAKE BACKS!!!” Afterwards go home, sit back, and enjoy your (much quieter) house, a lack of trying to homeschool on top of your full-time job and fewer mouths to feed!
2. Clear your workspace
…and by that I mean slowly push the empty containers of Cheetos and energy drinks to the floor so you can have a nice, clean space to work. Then do your best to not stare at the growing pile of garbage surrounding you that is starting to make your house look more like an episode of Hoarders than a yuppie paradise. Ignorance is bliss 🙂 .
3. Take a shower
Ha – I’m just kidding. Instead, start hanging air fresheners in random locations around your home. We both know that your shower schedule has irrevocably changed and that’s ok. There’s barely anyone around to smell you anyway!
4. Change into your work pajamas
Feel free to change from your sleeping pajamas into your slightly bigger, ‘work’ pajamas because if you’re anything like me, the buttons on your pants are also doing their best to social distance from each other. No one knows when we’ll be able to leave our house and wear normal clothes that are inevitably too tight so in the meantime, there’s no need to be uncomfortable in your normal clothes.
Enjoy that baggy fabric feeling! Besides, we’ll all need a little extra fat to ride out the (possible) apocalypse AND it makes you harder to kidnap, which I assume will be a main trade in our dystopian future next to toilet paper smuggling – so wins all around!
5. Download a meditation app
…and then don’t use it. WTF do they know? Seriously – telling me “These thoughts are just in your head. The anxiety is from your imagination. It’s not real”? Yes it bloody IS real! The world is on fire and I can’t see the people I love even if it’s to say goodbye forever. Where is my meditation for that situation??
These apps might need to start a new series about how to meditate while the world is melting around you. I would listen to that, but the current offerings I’ve heard sound more like this:
Conclusion
Obviously this is all in jest, but seriously people: this is an unprecedented time in history filled with a lot of anxiety and the feeling that basically everything is out of our control. If you can live your best life in that environment – good for you! I am hella impressed.
But I, unfortunately, don’t operate like that. And if I can’t bring myself to be even as productive as I was before the world turned upside down – despite not having kids at home and not being worried about my financial future – I can only imagine how others in those situations are fairing.
Overall, I’m onboard with this revision by Tara Haelle to the hyper-productive advice I’ve seen floating around the internet:
I get trying to be encouraging, but before you start telling people all the challenges they should join, and the to-do list items they should tackle: take a deep breath…and then mind your own business 😉 . But for real, be gentle – it’s a weird time and remember “to each their own”. Stay safe out there peeps!
How are you doing – seriously?
Haha just reading this as I was clearing my “workspace” from at least 10 unwashed dishes. Gotta get my act together and be the best version me.
Haha – naw. You’re doing it just right.
Lol this is fantastic!! I also love all the “how to work from home” tips I’ve been getting from my employer which apparently includes adding several meetings per week to my already unrealistic schedule right now. I was apparently doing it wrong before while working PERFECTLY FINE & productively from home these past 2 years. So I’ve felt quite comfortable declining them!
Ugh the audacity. I’m sorry lady. Can you use that lovely ‘decline’ button or is it a political nightmare? People are so silly sometimes. You’re doing things fine and they want to ‘improve it’ with ‘helpful tips.’ Yuck! Hang in there.
Being slightly early retired with no job to go to, no kids at home and a wife that shares the same hobbies it hasn’t been very different at all. We are doing great! We still run, hit tennis balls and go fishing. I still have lots of board and committee meetings, they just are on Zoom and the phone now, and that works just fine. We do church electronically now too. I miss my running group and tennis buddies but that’s about all. This week our electricity is out from storms and to be honest that has changed our lives much more than this virus, It has been out for two days and maybe several days before they get it fixed. Storms took out about half the states grid. At least we have a generator which lets us live semi-normally.
Interesting your life hasn’t changed. Sounds like you’re one of the lucky ones. That’s horrible about the grid – I hope it’s fixed quickly.
I know a good spot for people to drop their kids off in Upstate NY 🙂
Hahaha yep and they actually wouldn’t mind 🙂 .
I am so glad you wrote this 😂😂😂
Me too. It gave me a chuckle. Thank you for the inspiration 🙂 .
Homeschooling is so hard. Why would people voluntarily do this?
I have no idea how our kid survive regular school either? He has no resiliency. After a few difficult math problems, he’d dissolve into tears. Does he do this at school? Just stop whining and crying and do the work. Get it done in 2 hours instead of 5!
I’d better download that meditation app.
Haha – no idea. I’m sorry it’s been challenging. And oh no! That sounds rough – I hope he doesn’t do that in school, but regardless I am SO impressed by teachers. I would be fired in less than an hour. And haha yeah I do have a meditation app (Calm) and it’s been pretty cool.
i’ll bet you can imagine how big a fan i am of minding your own business. sure, i was home (paid) from work for two weeks. i could have cleaned the house from top to bottom but i didn’t want to! i could have written a dozen blog posts but also didn’t want to. you know what i wrote on my surgical mask i carry around? “leave me alone.”
Haha yes indeed I can imagine 🙂 . That’s the perfect mask message – I might need to steal that idea. Great on you for enjoying your paid time off and not giving into productivity pressure!
💜yes! I loved your markup of the Tweet about what you should accomplish/should have accomplished during this time. Thanks for keeping it real!💜
Thanks, but I can’t take credit for that. It was made by Tara Haelle. Glad you enjoyed it!
The look that I’m giving your #4 right now: what do you mean this is a joke? I change into my work sweats in the morning and sleep sweats at night! 🤣
Seriously.
I’m holding down a full time and a half job since my work has increased, am not snarling at my family that’s around 24/7, AND unearthing a new thing from a box at a rate of one thing per uh. Six weeks. Why wouldn’t I do all that in the comfort of daytime pajamas? We’re killing it over here!
Haha no shame! I also am in sweats/pjs 24/7. And woah that’s a LOT! Hang in there. You got this!
I’m so glad I saved this read for my work break because I really needed a good laugh 😀
Yay! So happy I could make you laugh 🙂 .
I love changing out of your pajamas into your work pajamas! lol! I actually do have “transition clothes” that look a lot like pajamas and a hoodie that usually goes on just after dinner and does take awhile to come off in the morning. 🙂 I do think others who are just KILLING it right now need to have some empathy. I’m doing “not that bad” but I hear my roommate over and over telling people on speakerphone how much she is enjoying herself. Insert eye roll.
Love the transition clothes! That’s awesome and they sound comfy. Agreed on the empathy – I actually don’t know anyone that’s ‘killing it’ right now. I just see randos posting about it on social media so not even sure it’s accurate 🙂 . And ohhh my roommate read the room – or the world lol. Not the time.
I loved this entry:) I did have to laugh out loud on the kid comment. Kids would add some dimension and laughs, while in quarantine, but I am loving reading, doing puzzles and gardening with a little more free time. I love the meditation app comment too, you have all the power within you, to be completely detached from this circumstance….said Buddha and no one else;).
Also, side note I feel like people are scheduling meetings like its their job to substantiate their work from home existence (where it was not common place to work from home, before). I get that you don’t want to lose your job, Karen, but you’re wasting my productive time…with your fear of being made redundant…..
Thanks for sharing!
Glad you enjoyed it! Sounds like you’re living a nice quarantine life. Ugh I’m sorry people are scheduling more meetings. I’ve seen that a little, but only with internal meetings that I then decline lol. I hope people realize scheduling meetings doesn’t mean you’re being productive soon.
I am getting a ton of company emails about productivity at home. It is already a challenge to be efficient now that I am working on a laptop instead of my nice dual monitor set up at work. To expect the same level of productivity is insane. I feel like people are setting up extra meetings just to prove their worth.
My boss has us complete a work log for “collaborative” reasons but it is really to track our workload. I am going to start signing up for productivity webinars just to look busy enough in her eyes.
Yeah I feel you – I used to love my monitor set up and wasn’t productive without it. Over the years I’ve somehow changed to being able to do everything on a laptop, but it was quite a transition. It is completely silly (and unrealistic) for people to expect the same level of productivity for various reasons right now. I’ve heard from others that people are setting up unneeded meetings to prove the do things too. I wonder if they realize many people see through it…
Ugh I’m sorry about your boss – that sounds like an annoying, micro-managing waste of time. And haha I like the plan – beat them at their own game!